Thursday, December 30, 2010

A neck in Irons

"His neck was put in Irons" Psalm 105:18

I read a devotion the other day centered around this verse. It was exactly what I needed. The funny thing is it was for the 27th but the day I was reading was actually the 29th. It's like God wanted me to get my dates mixed up so He could speak so profoundly. Thanks Lord. 
  This is what it said, " Never run from suffering, but bear it silently, patiently, and submissively, with the assurance that it is Gods way of instilling iron into your spiritual life. The world is looking for iron leaders, iron armies, iron tendons, and muscles of steel. But God is looking for iron saints, and since there is no way to impart iron into his peoples moral nature except by letting them suffer, He allows them to suffer." - Streams in the Desert
  And early this morning, I received a phone call with devastating news. My nephews mom who had just had an emergency C-section called to say that her brand new baby boy didn't make it. Jesus called him home. There were health problems along the way and he was born 11 weeks early, but we were really feeling optimistic that he was going to pull through. And now we are left with broken hearts and no words to say to comfort a grieving mother. I turned back to this verse in Psalms and just prayed. Sometimes not saying anything, sometimes saying everything I could think of. But I am realizing that in the midst of this heart break, God is doing something greater. God is preparing a family for something. And my new prayer is that they can find that purpose and run towards it. Lord, give them the goal so they can focus on it.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Running in the Streets

  Last night at the Response, Daniel and I shared from James 5. This is the verse that struck my heart, " My dear friends, if you know people who have wondered off from God's truth, don't write them off. Go after them. Get them back and you will have rescued precious lives from destruction and prevented an epidemic of wandering away from God."

  Whoa. Just soak that in for a minute..... It reminded me of a quote I heard a while ago, " If we actually believed in hell the way The Bible describes it, then we would be running in the streets trying to get people saved." So why is it that I am not running in the streets? I think it is a mixture of things. I'm worried what people will think of me, I don't think they would respond well to a crazy lady yelling at them, and the big one is I don't know if they really want to hear what I have to say. I think I have been letting that last one be my driving force. "I know that they don't want to listen to me, so I won't even try." But in reality, I think that is just a cop out. I think I am too afraid of being rejected or finding myself in a confrontation that I don't try.
   My insecurities are keeping me from reaching out to people. I think it may be time to get over myself and start talking to people. So maybe I wont be running down the street yelling it at people, but if I can at least start a conversation with someone in line that's a start. You never know what interaction could lead into another interaction which could lead into a friendship and then ultimately lead into salvation. So hears my goal: Start talking to strangers. Sounds silly, yes. But is it effective, maybe. I guess I will just have to see.

 - Grace & Peace

**** Photo Courtesy of

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Tangled Thread

  While Ava took her afternoon nap today I decided to be productive and finish one of the 900 projects I've started. (ok, maybe there aren't 900- but there are at least 9!) The project I chose to tackle today was a stuffed owl I wanted to make for Ava. I had made one for my niece for her 2nd Birthday back in September and started Ava's at the same time. It was a twin owl, cousin, i love you thing. There is a lot of hand stitching involved in this project. Lots of layers and I use a super thick thread, made for hand stitching. I did the small hand stitching parts first to get them out of the way. When I had finished with that and moved on to the more intensive hand stitching parts I needed a lot more thread. As I began to sew I was getting into a rhythm and then the thread stop short. I turned the owl over and saw a huge knot. I didn't understand how it could knot, but it did. I got it out and continued on, only to get another knot after a few more stitches. This continued to happen every 4-5 stitches. I was getting a little bit irritated. 
  Then I felt like God said" You're getting caught up in your own thread". I sat there for a minute just staring at the needle and thread, slightly shocked that God used sewing as an example and also trying to figure out what that meant. Here's what I arrived upon. Our lives are a long thread. We sew and get into a rhythm of things, and then we let ourselves get upset about something we don't have control over, or we are envious of something we don't have, or wish we were somewhere else. Every time we focus on one of those tings we get a knot in our thread. Causing us to stop and untangle ourselves, hopefully learning the lesson we needed to. But all to often after getting back into our rhythm we are in a knot over the same thing again. 
  I need to focus on the important things and find a good rhythm. Trying every day not to get caught up in another knot. I hope you can find your rhythm.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Find Your Everest

  Life. I'm feeling more and more as if it is just rushing by me. Like I am not making the most of every possible moment. Daniel, Ava, and I went out to breakfast this morning at a tiny little diner in town. One of the reasons we love going there is because of the vibe it has. The walls are covered with pictures and surf boards, little nick-nack things and crazy paint. On the wall next to the table we sat at today was a series of 5 or 6 pictures of this young boy. They were pictures of him climbing mountains. Not just little ones either. Like, Kilimanjaro... Seriously. One of the pictures was twice the size as the rest and looked like it was a magazine cover. When we read the headline Daniel and I were astonished. It was the young boy standing at the top of Mt Everest. Wow. His name is Jordan Romero and He climbed Everest at 13. He is the youngest person to ever climb that mountain. On the picture he wrote a little note to the owner of the diner and at the bottom wrote "Find your Everest".
  Daniel and I started talking about what that meant to us. "Find your Everest". Had we climbed our own Everest? Eventually the topic phased out and we left the diner, but the thought of Jordan's words rang loudly in my mind. I have been searching for something lately. I am not sure what it is or how it is going to come to fruition, but I feel like it is my Everest. It is almost within reach. I am excited to discover the things that God has in store for me and the Mountains He is having me climb right now to get ready for Everest.
   What is your Everest? Have you reached the peak?

**** Photo Courtesy of

Friday, October 15, 2010

Reap What I sew

  "I reap what I sew, I reap what I sew." That's what I heard Daniel saying to himself as we watched Ava push every button on the DVD player for the second time. We were watching A Bug's Life and Ava pushed buttons making the movie go away, as Daniel was sitting back down after fixing the movie she pushed the buttons again. I asked him why he said "I reap what I sew" over and over to himself. He looked at me and said, "It's because I used to be the same way, so I can't really get mad at her for wanting to push those buttons. I was the kid who always touched everything." I laughed a little. It was such a sweet moment for me realizing Daniel's heart to not get upset with her over a silly little thing.
  The thing I realized as soon as Daniel said his explanation to me, was how I instantly thought of the incredible things he sews into Ava all the time. He is kind and loving, always willing to explore with her, patient, and God fearing. Those are the things I see in Ava already. It's crazy that when we see our kid testing us we instantly think it's because of us or something we did. But when our child is incredible, we never think it's because of what we have taught them.
   I guess the real question now is what am I sewing into Ava's life? I think I need to put more focus on intentionally showing her the things that are important to us as a family. Figuring out our core values and making sure we sew them into Ava's spirit everyday.

Friday, October 1, 2010

Climbing up my Curly Slide

   I have been trying to take Ava to the park every day lately. She is such a great kid, I feel like she deserves it. Plus, not having a back yard makes it hard to play outside so by going to the park she can run like a maniac. She loves the slide. It is her absolute favorite thing in the world. She climbs up the stairs all by herself, and then goes down the slide. It's only the little slide, maybe 4 feet long. More recently she has discovered the big curly slide. She can't get up there by herself, and we need two people for that one. Mommy at the top sending her down and Daddy at the bottom to catch her. Since she doesn't get to go down that slide on a regular basis she climbs up on the bottom of it and sits there. Almost as if she is pretending she just came down it.
  A few days ago she saw another girl climbing up the curly slide from the bottom. This blew Ava's little mind. I was watching her as she was watching the little girl. It was like she was studying her every move so that she could replicate them. As soon as the other little girl left Ava ran for the curly slide and started climbing. She would slide back down on her belly after only making it 4 inches up the slide. But she just kept trying. The whole rest of the time we were there was spent trying to get up that darn slide. She was determined. Every time since she tries to climb that slide. She never gets upset that she can't, she just keeps trying.
  It got me thinking about myself. There are things I want to do and if I can't do it the first time I give up. I don't have the perseverance that my 16 month old daughter has, and I need it. After reading my bible today I saw a verse that spoke to my heart. " Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness." James 3:18. I really felt like I need to make that my personal Mission Statement. So I am going to take a tip from my tiny beard. If I don't succeed right away, I will continue to climb. Push through with perseverance and not be discouraged.
  What's the thing you want but you are discouraged by? I pray that you find the perseverance you need to continue trying.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Seven Days

  I know it has been a while, but there is a reason. I recently decided to fast TV and internet for a week. I went Sunday to Sunday. Please know that I usually don't talk about when I fast, but I feel that what I learned from this is important enough to share.
  I have always been a TV lover, but recently it has been a little ridiculous. I would have it on all day, not necessarily sitting and watching but listening as I would walk by. I guess I was afraid I would miss something. Whenever there wasn't anything on TV I would be on the internet. "Doing what", you ask? Nothing! Check my email, go on Facebook, look at Etsy... Nothing important.
  So, I felt like I needed to give them up for a little while and experience life without them. My first few days without TV and Internet were good, I didn't really miss it and I felt really productive. The last few days I really wanted to just sit and watch something while Ava was asleep, just rest. The internet is really hard to exist without. I didn't realize how often I used it for informative reasons, but I adapted and was ok without it. Through out the week I felt more productive, had better family time, cooked more, had better time with the Lord, and I was overall just more joyful.
  So my seven days were up and I sat down to watch some TV. Then, I began to panic. Literally. I felt terrible! I thought I was going to have a panic attack or something. My heart was racing, I felt nauseas and I felt icky in my spirit. Weird! I turned it off after a few minutes and told Daniel. I think over time I built up small layers around my spirit while watching TV. I ultimately became de-sensitized to what they were showing me. After fasting it for 7 days all of those layers came down and I was completely overwhelmed by it! Wow. I definitely didn't see that coming!
  So I instead decided to check my email and catch up on FB. After a few minutes of doing that I began to feel icky inside again. I was realizing that I was basing my relationships with people of "Liking" their photo, or one sentence comments to their wall. Not very personal at all. I realized that I justified that as "Quality time" with the most important people in my life.
  Overall, I am realizing that TV just lets bad things into my spirit, that effect me more than I know. As for Internet, it is a great resource for life but not the way I should be investing into my relationships.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

No Rush

  I always have such a hard time with the first sentence, dumb. I never know how to start it off. So to the point, I have been feeling very rushed lately. It seems as if no matter where I go, the people working there are rushing me along. Can I please just tell you how much i truly hate being rushed. I was buying a sandwich last week and the lady making it for me seemed irritated by my existence. I tried to smile more, thank her repeatedly, and be kind. When we got to the end of my options (all that was left was oil and vinegar, salt and pepper) she asked if i wanted anything else and before she even gave me a chance to answer she closed my sandwich and wrapped it up. I just stared at her. I felt awful, like i had wronged her in some way. But she was the one being a meanie. I went back to the same sandwich place 2 days ago with my brother, assuming my previous experience was a fluke (And secretively praying the mean lady wouldn't be there because she scares me). When we walked in guess who was there... Ms. Meanie pants! Dang it! She was in an even bigger rush then the time before! I left feeling very dissatisfied.
  So this morning Daniel and I went to Starbucks before Church. There weren't very many people in there. One person in front of us and one behind. Very quiet. When the Barista asked for my order i told her I needed a water and a latte and.... Then she gave me my total. I said "I'm sorry, I also need a few more things, A sandwich...." Then she gave me my total again! "I'm sorry I also need a tall coffee, that's it." She gave me my total and stuck her hand out for my money. The whole exchange left me feeling so faklempt. I left feeling more tired and frustrated then when I had walked in.
   After church Daniel was helping me do some things to get ready for our trip tomorrow and I realized that I am a rusher too!!! I rush Daniel all the time! I feel awful. I guess I just needed to get a taste of my own medicine. Bummer. There is no point to this Blog other than to slow down. Don't rush anyone and don't let anyone rush you. Just enjoy things.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Mini version of Rain

  Over the past few days my life has seemed to become quite overwhelming. There have been a few things that have happened and all I can find myself doing is crying. (Now, I'm not saying that for sympathy there is a point i swear.) Today especially, it seemed as if my tears were a constant river flowing from my eyes. I don't like crying. As a matter of fact, i hate it. I think mostly because when I start to cry I can't control it. I am not one of those people who can fight back tears. When i feel them coming, they come. I have huge tears that seem to just shoot out. I'm sure you've seen someone like that, where they can't dry there face off because too many tears are coming too fast. Well, that's me.
  A little back ground.... I woke up this morning more tired then usual. Just felt like i had to peel myself out of bed. And when Ava and I walked out into the living room it was still really dark. Usually, the sun is pouring through our windows. Instead it was cloudy and I could hear thunder. I was so happy, I love rain. I'm not sure why, I just always have. As it began to rain Ava and I went outside to enjoy it. Then I got a phone call which lead to tears.... Later on today, During a break from my cry fest God spoke something to me. Rain is His way of clearing away the dirt. After it rains, the streets are clean, the mud is off the car, and the air is crisp and fresh. He can restore us and take away the things that need to be washed in our hearts. Here's the double whammy... Then I realized that tears are like the same thing. It's like God created a mini version of rain on our face to help us clean house whenever we need too.
   So maybe, in the middle of my chaos, God is giving me tears to wash away my sorrow and restore my heart. I am so thankful He showed me that. I pray that the Lord would bring Rain to your spirit, so you can be restored.

*** Photo Courtesy of:

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Some Convo with You

   A little bit of slacking never hurt anyone, right? I've kinda been off the map for a little while, have no fear, I am back on the map! Haha. I have been seeking God out lately, I feel like I haven't heard from Him in a long time. My attitude about it wasn't very good either. I was starting to get frustrated about it. "What the heck God? I'm doing a pretty good job here, I'd really like some convo with you!" So there is this song. Incredible song. I have been walking around singing it for the past 2 weeks, just love the way it sounds. Not really paying too much attention to the words I was singing. Then yesterday I found the lyrics sheet for it and as I read through it I had a major light bulb moment. Here it is:

" Look at me inside, are you pleased with what you see
 Does my faith make you believe that I love you, I trust you
 When it's been so hard do I still love you the same way
When I had everything, Everything was you

 Do you believe me?
 Go past my lips and read my heart
 And if you don't find what's right please don't cast me to the night
 What do you want from me?
 I only ask cause whatever it is I'm ready to do
 Cause I'm never giving up you

 Without faith I can't be yours I know
 Without faith I don't have a chance at happiness"
(Written by Frontline worship team

  The first line of the song smacked me across the face. "Look at me inside are you pleased?" Frick! Probably not! My heart was so bad. Thank you Lord for showing me that. And thank you for not giving up on me. 

Friday, August 20, 2010

Notice Me

  Last Wednesday night @ The Response we had our friends Andrew and Kelly share about their journey that God is taking them on. So rad. One of the things that Andrew said struck me. He talked about his first year at Masters Commission ( A intense 9 month discipleship program) and how one of the leaders said that every day she tried as hard as she can to make a difference and peruse God, because when she gets to heaven she wants God to notice her. Crazy right? I've never thought about going to heaven like that before. But I get it, when I arrive I want God to see me and be so excited that I am there. Seek me out in the crowd. Now don't get me wrong, I know I'll get a high five and a nice to see you, but what I'm looking for is intentional seeking out and joy to see me. Heavy.
  I came home that night with that thought ringing in my head, and trying to figure out how I can achieve that. Then I thought of a sermon that Pastor Jack Hayford gave a long time ago that I just heard for the first time a little while back. He talked about a friend of his that kept a journal every day of what he had done. So at night right before bed, he would spend a few minutes writing down everything he had done that day. Keeping stock of his life. He did it or different reasons then I am suggesting, but I still think It's a great idea. If every night I write down what I had accomplished that day It would force me to take stock of my life. I would realize how much time I had wasted on something insignificant or maybe find time to do something that could make a difference.
  I don't know, maybe I'm crazy. But I want God to notice me in the crowd. So I am going to do it, keep a journal every day of what I've done. Keep myself accountable, so I can do something greater with my life. Something I know God would be proud of.

Grace and Peace

***Image Courtesy of:

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Anxiously Awaiting

   We are down in San Diego this weekend for my dear friend Lacey's wedding. I am so excited for her and her fiance Zac... They are quite the power couple! The weeks leading up to this trip I started counting down days because I was so excited to be here. After moving away 4 months ago I haven't been able to be a part of a lot of the things my friends and family who live here do. Especially this wedding. The thing you must understand about said wedding is this... It is going to be the Party of the Century. Every detail is perfect, they have crazy unique ideas for stuff, and they are just rad people which means there will be rad fun! So back to my point... I have been counting down days to get here so I could attend the biggest day of one of the closest friends life! (Side note- I just yelled that last sentence out in my head. Just as if I were a 5 year old explaining something) 
   So today is the day. We have reached the end of the glorious wedding belled countdown. And how might I be feeling you ask? Anxious!!!! I am so excited to go to the wedding, that I am convinced time has slowed down. This day will just not move along. So here's the deal, Philippians 4:6 says " Do not be anxious in anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, present your requests to God." True. Very good point. But I feel like there is a good anxiousness. Excitedly awaiting the arrival of something. Like the expression, "Anxiously awaiting the arrival of..."
   What's my point? Well here it is. Maybe there is value in having good Anxiousness. Anxiously await on God to do something crazy in your life. Or just anxiously await on Him. Be excited about what is happening in your life. I know I am. And as for the wedding this evening, I still can't wait!

Grace and Peace

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

What Is my Identity?

  This past week and a half has proven to be more difficult then I thought it would be. As you know I hurt my foot, and even though it seems I should have recovered by now I have not. I have been struggling so much with just letting my foot heal in it's own time. Being a stay at home Mom means that there are certain things that are my responsibilities to get done every day. Spending quality time with Ava, cleaning, cooking, basically making sure our home continues to run smoothly. But unfortunately I haven't been able to do those things, well, I've been trying but they aren't being done well. The past few days have been the worst. I have been feeling grumpy and down on myself and I didn't know how to explain it to Daniel. Then last night It hit me, I figured out a way to express myself.
    I explained it to him like this, " Daniel, It would be like you spraining your wrist and not being able to type, talk on the phone, or play music. (Three things that his jobs entail) And you just had to stay home and sit, even though the other 98% of you feels great. You would miss out on work, not get paid, and get behind on the things you need to do." He got it. I think I got it. lol. I realized as I was telling him how I felt that I have completely wrapped my Identity in being a Mom and Homemaker. Sure, there are other things I'm good t and like doing, but my main focus is being a mom and homemaker.
   I've been angry with God because I feel like He hasn't healed me fast enough. However, I'm starting to see that the bigger picture is finding my true identity in something eternal. Him. So God, keep me in pain until I get it. I want to make sure that this isn't a superficial change, but a long lasting one. My identity is in you.

Grace and Peace

*** Photo Courtesy of:

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Crutching around.


   Last Sunday during our first Young Adults event at the water park I slipped and hurt my foot really bad. I was chasing after Ava and there was a huge puddle that I slipped in. My right foot went straight out and my left leg went under me and I landed on my foot. Ouchy! I brushed it off and waddled back teary eyed to our picnic tables. Once things wrapped up and people started leaving I realized just how badly I had hurt myself. I could barely make it to the car the pain was so bad. As soon as we started driving the tears started flowing. Looking back on it, i think the walk to the car just made it worse. When we got to the house I could barely make it up the stairs. Everything hurt. Even when I was sitting still it was shooting pain. After a while the pain was unbearable, so I had Daniel take me to the ER. After x-rays and painful stretching of my foot the Doc said it was just a pad sprain.
  I left feeling like such an Idiot. I couldn't believe I went to the ER for a sprain. It hurt so bad, that I was sure it had to be broken. I felt like I must have just over exaggerated the pain, and that made me feel like an even bigger Idiot. Over the next three days it still hurt so bad that I couldn't walk on it. So I was on crutches, (Which really suck!). I didn't want anyone to see me or know that I was on crutches, because I was embarrassed. I was embarrassed that it was only a sprain and I was on crutches. So i stopped using my crutches before I should have and may have hurt myself worse because I didn't let it heal how it needed too.
   But then I realized.... Here comes the Jesus tie in.... That the trials in our lives are all on different levels. Someone might stumble and sprain something and someone else might fall and break something. But who am I too judge them on how bad it truly hurts. Who I am to say that a break is worse then a sprain? God puts us all through totally different things that effect us all differently. So there are two points here. One- If it hurts, it hurts. Don't sell yourself short, and give it time to heal. Two- Don't judge anyone elses hurt. You have no idea how crippling It may be for them. Instead, help them when they are hurting.

Grace and Peace

Picture courtesy of:

Friday, July 23, 2010

My [Trade Mark]

  This morning I was reading Philippians chapter 2 on and as I was reading there were small little symbols by some of the words. I instantly thought that they were the Trade Mark symbol [TM]. As I looked more closely I noticed that they were just symbols marking that there is a definition for the word later on. I thought it was pretty interesting that my first thought was that it was Trade Marked. I mean, it's the bible, I don't think Jesus spent a lot of time trade marking things. Culturally we see that symbol a lot and it lets us know that whatever were looking at is owned by some one else. I looked up the definition of a Trade mark and this is what I found: "A device (as a word) pointing distinctly to the origin or ownership of merchandise to which it is applied and legally reserved to the exclusive use of the owner as maker or seller."
  It got me thinking.... What if we Trade Marked a characteristics? What if we lived like Jesus so well that our [TM] was something like Compassion, or Love, Grace, or Humility. I know for me that isn't going to be easy. I have realized lately that I am not very sensitive to other peoples needs . I know that I need to work on Compassion and Grace. So that is the [TM] I am going for. Compassion and Grace. What is your [TM] going to be?

Grace and Peace

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Tuesday, July 20, 2010

What I am Loving!


  I know, I totally fail. I haven't written anything in a while. Life has gotten away from me. We finally found a car though! Thank ya Jesus! Got a PT Cruiser. And I love it. Finally feeling like I am getting back into the swing of things. Ava hasn't been doing so well, she has a little tummy issue, praying God heals her quickly!
   I thought maybe I would be a little different this time and just write about things I am into right now.
 1. Love Love Love Fresh flowers! Makes my soul smile, and really brings me into the summer mood!
 2. Totally into my Hubs sermons lately. I mean, they're always great - But these last few on self Control have blown my mind!
 3. Really into finding what I want next for my sleeve. Thinking maybe a sunset above the tree to depict God coming in the clouds with fire. So sick.
 4. Wanting to sew my own clothes. I feel like, I would love my clothes even more if I sewed them myself.

What are you into this Summer? Love to hear what you're working on!!

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Loud Trucks

   The past week or so has been quite exhausting. Both of our cars took a decline so we decided to sell them both and try to buy one better working car. Selling two cars at the same time gets confusing. We sold both cars and are now on the hunt for our new one, or should i say "newer" one. This morning while I was laying in bed, (And I know what you're thinking... You're thinking "Wow, a lot of what this lady talks about is things she thought of while in bed. And it's true, it's the only time I am able to have a complete thought throughout my day.) So back to what I was saying, While I was laying in bed I could hear loud trucks driving by. Right behind our house is the water reclemation building and there are tons of loud city trucks that drive right by my house all day. And as I was listening to those trucks all I could think about was if they were going to wake up Ava. Then it hit me...
   I realized that over the past few months Ava has built up a tolerance to the noise levels outside of her window. Well, for the most part at least. And while she was building a tolerance, I was building a sensitivity to the noise so I could be aware of what was going on outside my house. And the times she does wake up crying, I am ready to go in and hold her. What's the point of this, you ask? Well, the point is that we are like Ava. There are loud trucks (obstacles or hardships)  that pass by our window and we can either wake up every time we hear one or let them fade into the background and continue sleeping. So who is building up the sensitivity to the noise in your life? God. I'm sure you saw that coming. He is awake early in the morning listening for things that could come by and wake you up. Ready at any moment to run in and hold you. So rest well in the knowledge that He is awake worrying about you, you don't have to do it yourself.
  This all ties into my original story, I promise. I have been to stressed about our car situation and how it's going to plan out that I have been feeling ill. But this morning God showed me that He is doing all the worrying for me, so I don't have to. Tonight I am going to rest well and sleep through all the loud trucks going past my window.

Grace and Peace

*** Image Courtesy of:

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Tuck Myself Away

  Life has bit a bit chaotic for us the past few weeks. No need for details, but it's definitely been exhausting. And as I was laying in bed last night I remembered something from when I was a little girl. When I was younger I used to ask my parents if I could stay up late with them and watch TV. Usually the response was no, but every once in a while if i gave a good enough sad face to my Dad I could get away with it. This was back in the day before there was DVR and before everyone had huge flat screen TV's. I would crawl in my parents bed and lay in between them and snuggle as they watched some show on their 15" TV. Now, the specific memory I am talking about was when they would watch "X-Files". I was so scared of the show. (In their defense, they never let me watch TV, I was supposed to be sleeping but sometimes I would peek.) I can remember hearing the intro music and turning into my Dads arm and tucking my face under it to make sure I wouldn't see anything. Being there with my Daddy covering me, made me feel like no bad thing could ever harm me.
  So back to last night... I am laying in bed remembering all this, and thinking of all the things going on in our life that made me feel overwhelmed. So I rolled over and tucked my head under Daniels arm. And to my surprise, it felt just the same. I felt safe, secure, calm, loved, and protected. All the things I remember feeling when I was a little girl who was scared to watch an Alien show. As my mind started to slow down and I felt myself drift off to sleep I realized something. I am sure it is obvious to some of you, but it felt so good when I realized it. That no matter how I am feeling or what God is letting come my way, at the end of the night I can always tuck my head under his arm and rest. He will never leave me or forsake me.(Heb 13:5)
  I fell asleep last night feeling so calm. The worry and the stress had left my heart. Now I can't say that I felt the same way all day today, but what I can say is that remembering that I can tuck myself under Gods arm does help to calm my anxiety about life. So, thanks God for always letting my hide away from the "Aliens" in my life.

Grace and Peace

****Image Courtesy of:

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Be Like My Veggies

   One of the awesome things about moving into this great little house is that I was able to plant a veggie garden. Now, I don't want to toot my own horn or anything....But... Toot Toot! I am growing stuff like crazy! Two Zucchini plants, Tomatoes, Bell Peppers, Basil, Thyme, Rosemary, Chives, and Cilantro. I have eaten some of each herb and tomatoes thus far, the Zucchinis aren't quite ready. Yesterday morning as I was watering I realized something. That no matter how crazy our day is I will always find time to water my Veggies twice a day, but I can't say the same for watering my soul with The Living Water.
  I can go weeks without picking up my Bible and I will just blame it on the craziness of life. Why is the growth of my soul not as important to me as the growth of my Veggies? Seems a little off balance to me. I am searching for new ways to stay motivated. Praying that God will put in me a newness of who He is. An excitement about what He is going to show me.
   And as I pursue that newness from Him, I will water those Veggies of mine and look at them as a picture of my Spiritual growth to come. Can't wait. I pray that God would put in you a freshness and new desire to seek Him out.

Grace and Peace

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

New Life

  Oh, new life. It is so crazy! I don't know how God makes it work, but having a baby is one of the greatest miracles I've ever experienced. The reason I'm writing about this is because some good friends of ours had thier first child last night. A baby Girl 7lbs 2oz and 18in long born at 8:36pm. They haven't picked a name yet, but man, she is beautiful! (The Picture is Ava, not their daughter) Unfortunately, we couldn't be there. One of the downsides from leaving San Diego is missing important events in our friends lives. But via texting, we felt like we were there.
  As Daniel and I went to bed last night we were talking about our own child birth experience. How we felt when we were in the Hospital, what was going on that day, wondering what her name was going to be, and how long the whole thing was going to take. Then we looked back at the day we brought her home and how we felt about being new parents. Fast forward a year and we have an energetic little girl who would never think about letting me just hold her and stare at her. She has places to go... People to see. It has gone by so fast, yet, so slow. I know that sounds super cliche, but It's how I'm feeling. In some respects I feel like It went by so fast that I couldn't absorb everything going on. Then on the other hand I wonder how It was possible to do all that we have done in the past year. All I know is that I love that tiny dancer of mine, and I hope things slow down just a little bit so I can soak it all in.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Not A Bachelorette

  So I must admit, I have a bit of a guilty pleasure.... I watch The Bachelorette!! And when I saw watch it, I mean stop whatever I am doing and stare at it in all it's cheesy glory! As I was watching it tonight and reading the little profile they give about each guy, I noticed something. Most of them are Daniel's age. It tripped me out. There lives are in such a different place then His. He has been married for 3 years and has a daughter, and they're on a dating show trying their darnedest  to find a wife. Wow. I am thankful that we aren't there. I am thankful that I didn't have to wait so long to find my husband. I can't imagen what my life would be like without Him. He is truly incredible.

  As silly as the show may be, it has reminded me of just how wonderful Daniel is. He is the greatest Daddy to Ava. She is so in love with him, and he is most definitely wrapped around her finger. I need to love and honor that man more then I do. Show him how thankful I am to be married to my very best friend. I am a lucky lady.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

I Shall Jogg & Take Photos

  Well, we can all thank Zooey Deschanel's character in "Yes Man" for a great new idea. A Jogging Photography Group... Yep, I said it. A Jogging Photography group. I shall jog and take photos. Sounds pretty great if you ask me. Her character in this movie is incredible, reminds me a lot of Maggie Gyllenhaal's character in "Stranger Than Fiction". A little off beat, colorful, unique, and totally comfortable with who they are. LOVE it. Want to be that way.
  This morning at Church the person who spoke was a congregant who is going to be moving to Tennessee soon. He talked about his life, and how he got to where he is now. He said a lot of very poignant things, but one thing in particular struck me. He talked about [The Thin String]. Looking back on your life there is a thin string of events, and each one affected the outcome. Every conversation you have had with a stranger, every trip you have taken, every decision you have made has collectively determined how your string looks. He said to look back on your string and assess where it is going. If your sting is heading in a bad direction, then maybe change things. Do something different. He also said to be conscious of the fact that you affect other peoples strings. That really got me. I have never thought about that before. The way I live my life and the things I say and do to people can affect their string. No pressure, right?
   The last thing he said was a quote from a friend of His, and it was pretty intense. He said, "If people rally believed in Hell the way it is described in the Bible, they would be running to their friends and trying to save them." It made me evaluate how I have been living. I think it's time for a change.

Saturday, June 26, 2010

I Will Accomplish What I Desire

I think today is all about commitment. Deciding I want something and sticking with it until I achieve my goal! Short and Simple, but i feel like for this topic you don't need lots of words to explain yourself.
"So is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it." Isaiah 55:11. I am feeling a renewed sense of ability. God has put it in me and now I am going to try and keep it going. That verse in Isaiah is motivating. I love the part that says "but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it". I know that I can do anything, so I will. What is it that you are wanting to achieve? What do you desire most for yourself? I would love to hear what you have to say.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

On my Journey

  My life up to this point hasn't left much room for self discovery. I opted out of the "College Experience" - It just wasn't for me. I got married at 19 to the most incredible guy I know. I had my daughter when I was 21 and now I am living in the town i grew up in running a Young Adults group with my Husband. Through it all I have changed a lot. My favorite band has changed, my favorite color has changed, and I've even changed my hair a few times. However, I still don't feel like I know who I really am, or what I really want to do with my life.
  Now don't get me wrong, I have purpose. I know I am supposed to be a great mom to Ava and a great wife to Daniel. But what I am talking about is not knowing the things that I desire to do, that make me feel fulfilled and alive. Like I am accomplishing something for myself. And in order to know those things, I think I should know myself.
  Recently Daniel and I went and got tattoos for our anniversary, and I feel like that has given me the self-exploration push that I need. He got a verse from Song of Solomon written out on the under side of his bicep and I got a picture of an apple tree. It comes from the verse in Song of Solomon 2:3 "As an apple tree among the trees of the forest so is my beloved among young men. With great delight I sat in his shadow and his fruit was sweet to my taste." I have always wanted a tattoo and felt like it would help me express myself better. And it has. I feel like I am becoming more of the person I want to be. Now I just need to figure out the rest of it, but I have some ideas. 
  I love:
  - Writing
  - Painting
  - Singing
  - Photography

And other stuff, but I kind of feel silly listing it all. So here I go. I am on my journey of self discovery. Wish me luck, and I'll let you know how it's going.

Grace and Peace

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Seek Him Out

  Last Friday we got our first pet! A kitten that we named Macska. It is the Hungarian word for cat... Creative, I know. He was 7 weeks old and full of energy. He and Ava were infatuated with each other, following one another around. But as they days went on and her became more comfortable, he started attacking Ava's legs as she would walk around. Then, in retaliation, Ava would pick him up by whatever limb she could find. Needless to say, the once love shared turned into a hostile relationship.
  Inevitably we decided for the sake of the kitten and Ava, that we needed to find him a new home. Which was much easier then I thought it was going to be. Today is the first day without the little terror running rampant but I must say, I miss him. Even though his favorite game was attacking feet, he was still very cute and lovable. I got attached to the little guy. It made me think about how easily we can get emotionally attached to things. And how easily God gets attached to you.
  God is obviously already attached to us... He created us. But as we continue to spend time with Him I feel like His love and attachment must continue growing. But on the other hand, what does He feel when we blatantly walk away from Him. When we try to detach ourselves from our creator. If I am this sad about letting go of a cat I had for 5 days, I can't imagine the deep sorrow God must feel when we walk away from Him.
  So today instead of just going about my usual business and knowing in the back of my mind God is there, I am going to seek Him out. Let Him know how attached I am to Him.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Fear of the Unkown

   We recently took Ava to the Doctor for her one year appointment, and found out that her teeth are coming in funny because she sucks on a pacifier. The doctor encouraged us to try and wean her off of it soon. That was a month ago, and she is still using it... Well, not any more. This morning as Ava starting showing her usual signs of her being ready for a nap I found myself oddly motivated to get her to sleep without her pacifier. Now, this may sound like a small thing, but you have to understand just how attached she was to it in the first place. Her pacifier was her best friend, she had to have it in the car, she had to have it if she got hurt, she had to have it if she wasn't feeling well, and she HAD to have it to fall asleep. 
   So back to this mornings nap... Filled with courage I try the impossible task of getting her to sleep without her rubbery best friend. And how does it go? Amazingly! She cried less then when I try and put her down with her pacifier. I feel like she was ready to be done with it, but needed us to make the decision. I didn't want to take it away because then she wouldn't be a baby any more. At least, that's what I thought. But she hasn't been a baby for a long time. She is a big girl now. A big girl that no longer needs her pacifier. 
   I was so scared of how bad I thought it was going to be, I hindered her from being free of it. The fear of the unknown can be debilitating, but ultimately it is freeing. There is no more thoughts of "What if?" or "How can I?". You just do it, and handle the outcome as it happens. I must say, having done it, making the decision and then following through, I feel incredible! 

* Image Courtesy of:

Monday, June 21, 2010

All the joy that one soul can handle.

  My life seems to get more hectic every day. With the recent addition of a kitten, it seems nearly impossible to get ordinarily simple things completed. I have had a load of laundry in my washing machine for the past 12 hours... I should probably tend to that, shouldn't I?
  And even though life seems to be a little out of hand, I still find myself wanting more. How is that possible you ask? Well, I'm not sure even I know the answer to that. I know some things are not important. Like when I look around at the peripheral people in my life, those are the people you know and are Facebook friends with but never talk to, I find myself wishing that I had the things they had. Or did the things that they do. Even though they are meaningless to most of the world, I still find myself wishing I could have what they have.
  Then there are the true desires of my heart. The things I lay awake at night wishing and praying for. Some of them are great things that could help people, some are just silly self pleasing dreams I carry around in my head. I am now finding myself plagued with those dreams all the time. It is no longer a late night thought, but a daily desire to be more, see more, and achieve more. As I walk out what these dreams are and how to make them into a potential reality, I am thinking more and more about the verse in Phillipians 4 that talks about being content in all things...
   So am i being content? Am I happy with where I am and thankful for what I have.. Or am I just selfishly longing for things that could bring more money or fame? I think They balance is still pursing the dreams that God has placed inside of you, without placing all your self worth in them. Still be thankful for what you have, but continue to live a life striving for more. Never be lackluster. Pursue the greatness that God has put inside you and do that with the comfort and joy of knowing that no matter what comes of it, you have already won. You already have all that you could ever need. All the joy that one soul can handle. Because you will know how to find it in the smallest things.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Sitting on the Curb

This morning I got a text from my niece saying she was sick and needing a hot chocolate. So being the sucker of an Aunt i am, i immediately went to Starbucks to get her one. Since she was sick i didn't want to bring Ava inside, so Daniel drove around the block while i dropped off the goods. I was inside for maybe 5 minutes and when Daniel came back to get me there was something sticking outside of the trunk. Daniel is known for loving free things. People used to make fun of him and say that he would even take a bloody mattress on the side of the road. So as I walk to the car with a " What is in our trunk?" look on my face, Daniel quickly began explaining himself. As he was circling the block He saw a baby bike trailer next to a trash can sitting on the curb. So he pulled over and asked the woman cleaning out her garage if he could have it. She said it was broken, but Daniel wanted it any way. This thing looked so nasty! Covered in cob webs and leaves, brown from dirt, and a rip on one of the sides.
Once we got home Daniel started trying to get it all together. There were a few times where we thought it was unfix-able, but in the end he got it put together! I couldn't believe it, he got it all together. So i washed it (a few times), and then he hooked it up to the bike and tried it out. It is like new! He is on his way to fill up the tires with air and then off we go on a family bike ride!
Watching Daniel work on it, trying to figure out how it all fit, and trying things different ways made me realize something. That at some point, we are all left sitting on the curb. That our souls get so beat up and dirty that someone, or we ourselves, just sit by the trash can and wait to be thrown away. But the incredible thing is that with patience and a little elbow grease, God makes us brand new. He sees past the cob webs and tears to the deepest parts of us. And if we let him take us, he can get us back on the road again.

Ephesians 2:10
"For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them."

Saturday, April 17, 2010

The Good ol' Days

  I recently moved back to the small town I grew up in. In the weeks leading up to the move I began arriving on my expectations of how it would be when we got here. I thought it would be awkward to see people, like a time warp. People living in the past and not going anywhere with their lives. But to my surprise, I was wrong. I am finding that I am truly enjoying being here, re-connecting with people, taking my daughter to the parks I used to play at, and spending more quality time with my family.
  Today I had a lunch date with some old friends from High School, and I was nervous. I hadn't seen them since I had my daughter, and I expected it to be awkward. I thought that since we hadn't spent time together in so long that we would just reminisce on the past and talk about people from the old days and where they are now. Once again, I was pleasantly surprised. I had a great time talking about what everyone is doing, what they want to do, and the dreams they have. I realized that my insecurities about what I assumed people would say almost kept me from having a great lunch with great friends.
  This whole situation made me think of what Jesus musty have felt traveling from town to town. I wonder if He ever worried about what people were going to think or ask Him. What would He think when He visited home, or saw someone He grew up with?
  I guess we really are created in His image.

Photo Courtesy of:

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Discipline, or lack there of

Discipline. Something I am terrible at. My goal for life is to have it. I come up with ideas or things I want to do and I never follow though. I think it is because I have a lack of discipline in my life. So, today is the day that I have decided to stop that train of lazy I have been riding on... Follow through, here I come.
First order of business, share great things I have heard of. Today is a day without shoes. is asking people to so without shoes today to bring awareness to those who don't have the luxury of shoes. I think It's an awesome idea, if you agree, please participate.
Next... Music. The joy of my soul. My husband introduced me to the greatest website ever. It is a website for Indie music. The only way you can post your music is if you are unsigned. There are awesome ways to filter what you listen to, quests you can go on, and incredible music to be heard. Take a listen.
That is all for me this time, but in my efforts to have more discipline, I will be posting regularly. Every Thursday morning. We will see how it goes.

*** Photo courtesy of

Saturday, February 27, 2010

Yet another Dream

I had a dream last night that shook me so hard core. I wont go into details, because just writing it in my journal took 5 pages. It was a long one. But the thing I am realizing from said dream is that even though I was saying I wanted to hear what God had for me and I was constantly crying out to Him to speak, I never postured myself in a way to hear. He had to use my subconscious dream to speak to me. It wasn't the exact answer I wanted, but it was Him telling me something huge that I need to learn. I feel so silly. Looking back on the past few weeks most of my day was spent whining about how i didn't think God was going to ever answer me. But it's because my thoughts and actions were displaying a different set of attitudes. Not one of patiently seeking. But of irritatingly nagging. Sorry about that one God.
I woke up at the end of my dream to Ava crying. And when I realized what was going on I couldn't figure out if my dream had truly happened or not. I was tired and sweaty, as if i was active... But i was laying in my bed. I looked at Daniel and started telling him my dream. He was a good husband, he stayed awake even though he was so exhausted. I guess the point of this blog is more for me. I am realizing that most of the time I ask God for something and i don't posture myself in the right way. It isn't the same way every time, but making it a priority to be ready to hear or receive makes all the difference.

*** Photo Courtesy of

Thursday, January 14, 2010

The rambling of my mind

The past few days it has felt nearly impossible to think a complete thought, let alone a creative one. Like my brain went on sabbatical and didn't inform me. I have been on a quest of sorts to find out who I am and what I desire to be and achieve. Maybe the thoughts have stopped coming because I have overused my brain. Every moment of my day is filled with the most precious tiny person I know. Seeing her smile brings joy so deeply to my soul I find it hard to focus on much else. Watching her discover and explore life for the first time is so inspiring, I love to see her reaction to the world.
In a more focused line of thought, I have been reading through the book of Matthew recently and today I read Chapter 11. This is the part that struck me, "28Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." I have read these verses many times before, but I realized something new this time around. He says to take His yoke upon you and you will find rest for your soul. I think most often we take from these verses is that if you follow Jesus He will take your burdens and give you a peace in your soul. But what I realized is that in Verse 29 it says " Take up my yoke". We still have to work. We are still plowing. It may be "easier" and we wont have to worry about our eternity, but we still have to work. We now are partnering with Jesus to carry some of His load. He will give our souls rest because they now belong to him, but the hard stuff isn't over.
This shook me from the depths of my being. I always felt like that verse implies Jesus just coming behind and fixing everything and making my life gumdrops and roses. Now that I realize what He is really saying it hits much deeper. I feel a sense of urgency and desire to carry that yoke with Him. To take part in the work that is before Him. I love finding out new things about the God that I am so deeply in love with. He is always making things new and relevant.
Thanks for checking out my blog. The writings found on these pages are just sincere thoughts, questions, and feelings I have about life, God, and banana slugs.