Friday, April 19, 2013

A Sick Girl and a Tired Mama

What a week it has been... Oh my goodness. We woke up Monday morning to a VERY sick Olive Grace. She had thrown up everywhere. So sad. And so gross. The rest of the day was spent cuddling, sleeping, crying, but luckily no more barfing. (hallelujah!) Our usually rambunctious girl was out of sorts and very sad. It is the worst thing in the world to have a sick baby! We thought it might be food poisoning, but there's no way to tell for sure.

She only wanted her Daddy, which made him feel Oh-So-Loved and by Monday evening when she went to bed we were all exhausted and heavy in prayer that whatever she had wouldn't spread to the rest of us. It's been a long week, and a slow recovery for our girl. She is still so tired and uninterested in her usual favorite activities. Ava has been a trooper. She was SO bored this week. We stayed home all week just to be sure no one else was sick and because we didn't want to possibly spread anything. Sharing is NOT caring in this circumstance. 

She got to meet the dog my brother is taking care of for 6 weeks for a friend. This girl is an animal lover! I can't remember the dogs name for the life of me, but Ava talks about it all the time. Mommy fail moment. Owen had a rough few days, maybe because things were crazy around here for a while. But I swear that little dude is getting cuter by the second!       

It was a LONG, emotional week for us. I am glad things have wound down and everyone else stayed healthy and Oli is on the mend. I had a conversation with Daniel at one point this week regarding some nostalgia I was feeling about how my relationship with God used to be. How it was when Daniel and I first met, when I was interning at our church and trying to figure out God independently. I was constantly learning new things and going deeper into the word. As of today, in my life now, with 3 kids, its victory to even find my Bible. Ava likes to carry it around and pretend its her "pretty book" while talking in a British accent. I can't complain, it's outrageously cute. But non the less, my spirit is thirsty for new life and fresh discovery of Gods word. Daniel listened intently to my thoughts and desires and encouraged me to fight for time whenever I could. But something hit me a few days later as I did find a spare moment to read the Word of God. Psalm 51:

As  I read through those verses something stuck to my heart that I thought about for the rest of the week... The thought of God not wanting sacrifice, but a spirit that is broken and needing to be put back together by Him. My relationship with God can not be limited to or categorized by the number of times in a week that I have deep devotional readings and exploration of the Word. And that's not what He wants from me. He wants me to be broken before him. Unable to carry the load of being a mother, especially in difficult times when kids are sick or needy. When I can't find the desire or strength to pick up another toy or clean another dish, lay my sad broken spirit at His feet. Let Him do with me what He pleases. Make me into the mother and wife, the daughter, the friend, He wants me to be. Lucky for me, I have a God that continually reminds me of his Love and Thoughtfulness for me. Thank you God for refreshing my soul with your insights. 

Grace & Peace

Monday, April 1, 2013

Owen Daniel

I would like to introduce you to my son,
Owen Daniel Horning.

Born on March 17, 2013 at 12:52am. He was 8lbs 8oz and 20.5" long. 

Owen is such a dream. He is a wonderful addition to our family. Ava & Olive are so in love with their new little brother, They run to his side whenever he cries and shower him with hugs and kisses all day long. My delivery of Owen was a whole new experience for me. Even though he is my third child, he is my first one to be delivered with no medication to induce labor. Both of the girls were induced and I had an epidural. I labored for 12 hours with Ava and for 6 With Olive. My prayer throughout this third pregnancy was that God would let me experience labor on my own and I wouldn't have to be induced. I wanted to know that my body could do it on its own. And here is how the story goes...

The two weeks leading up to Owen's birth were spent cleaning, organizing, gardening, cooking, and doing anything else that would keep me busy. As my due date began to creep closer my mind would wonder to places of defeat and frustration, I had already given into the idea that I was going to be induced. My hearts cry to God was that I would go into labor on my own and I would pray every day that He would let it happen. Every night when Daniel would rub my feet I would pour my heart out to him and try my hardest to better explain my desire. I felt silly wanting labor so badly. I knew that either way I would end up with a sweet new baby and that I would labor for hours whether with Pitocin or without. 
There was a particular verse that I would say in my mind whenever I would pray about it. " For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11) I would meditate on that verse and try to remind myself that God knew exactly how he wanted Owen to come into this world. 
On Saturday March 16, (One week and one day before my due date) my parents came over to help us get some house projects done. Daniel built a fence in the front yard, my dad did some electrical work, I organized in the house, and my mom gardened. At one point in the early afternoon I went out front to see how everyone was doing and sat down on our walk way. As I talked with my mom I began weeding in between some of the Paver Stones lining our walk way. It was really awkward and uncomfortable to lean over my giant belly and get down to those weeds, and I remember looking up at my mom and sarcastically saying, "Well, if this doesn't put me into labor than nothing will!" Little did I know, I was only hours away from the beginnings of labor. 
As late afternoon came around and we had all showered and cleaned up from the days work I was beginning to notice that I was "cramping". They would come and go and were getting stronger each time. I thought it might be labor, so I quietly packed mine and Daniel's bag for the hospital. We went to my parents house for dinner at 5:30pm and I had a good friend who was visiting from out of town stop by to say Hi. As time went on at my parents and the "cramping" continued and intensified I began to wonder if I was indeed in labor. Around 6:30pm I was contracting every 10 minutes. I told my mom what I was feeling and asked if she thought I was in labor. Her response, "Maybe?" Gee, thanks Ma! I was hoping for a little more affirmation. But in the next 45 minutes sitting outside it was evident that the time had come! Daniel and I took our girls home and did their normal bedtime routine, with occasional breaks for me leaning against a wall or dresser trying to breath. We got the girls in bed and I began to gather last minute things and clean the house. Although, looking back I wasn't really cleaning, I was just carrying things around and setting them down somewhere else. My contractions were about 7 minutes apart and getting more intense. Even during contractions I was trying to talk myself out of labor. I was so worried that it was just a false alarm and my contractions would stop. I didn't want to get my hopes up. Around 9:15pm as I was laying down I had a contraction that made me realize it was "go time". I looked at Daniel and told him it was time to go. We excitedly scrambled to get stuff together, my parents came to stay with the girls, and off we went to have our son.
Once arriving at the hospital they took me to what they call the "Prove It" room, where they check to see if you're actually in labor. I was at 7cm. Go time!!!! They put in an IV and rushed me off to a labor and delivery room. After getting situated in our room and finishing all our paperwork around 10:30pm my nurse came in and asked if I wanted an epidural. And there it was, the million dollar question! I hadn't decided if I wanted one or not. I knew I wanted one if I had to be induced, but to my surprise I went into labor on my own. I turned to Daniel and asked him what I should do and he lovingly said that it was up to me. I looked at my nurse and told her I wanted to wait and see how far I could make it on my own.... Little did I know there was no turning back!
My contractions intensified quickly. In between contraction my nurse repeatedly complimented Daniel on his glorious beard and reminded me while in pain more than once that I had a hot husband... It was funny, but very true! By 11:15 I was doing the crazy lady moaning with each contraction. I remember looking up at Daniel and the nurse Jewel and apologizing for being one of those weird ladies you see in the birthing videos. They both laughed. By 12am I thought the world was going to end. My contractions were so intense and so close together I felt like I couldn't catch my breath. They lasted for over a minute but were only 45 seconds apart. It got real crazy real fast. In those last 52 minutes of labor, when I was at my weakest, in the most pain of my life, I leaned on Daniel for physical and emotional support. He was incredibly kind and reassuring in the moments when I felt like I couldn't go on. He reminded me that if I could just keep going I would get to hold my son. He was right, and it was so worth it. At 12:52am Owen Daniel was born. He was perfect. 
Daniel and I don't name our children until after they are born because we want to see them first. Naming our son was the most difficult of our three children, but so special for me. I knew I wanted him to have Daniel's name, because of how wonderful he was to me during my labor and delivery. 
Owen means "Well Born" and Daniel means "God is my judge".

I didn't plan on it and I don't know if I could do it again, but having a natural delivery was an incredible experience. Being that aware of what is going on is both excruciating and invigorating. Owen's birth story is unique and new to me and I wouldn't change it.

Grace & Peace

Thanks for checking out my blog. The writings found on these pages are just sincere thoughts, questions, and feelings I have about life, God, and banana slugs.