Friday, August 23, 2013

I Wouldn't Let Go

  So here's the thing. I haven't let go. That is, until a few days ago. If you read my story about the ordeal with Owen, then you are all caught up. He started shaking. I called the Doctor, she feared seizures and sent us to the ER. We waited and waited to see a neurologist and after seeing one we were told Owen was self soothing. All should be better, right? It should. But I wouldn't let go.

I wouldn't let go.

   I let fear win. I let fear take over my emotions. I let fear disrupt my family. I let fear dictate my thoughts and actions. I shouldn't have. We saw multiple Doctors and had tests run and all came back fine, but I didn't want to believe that. A dear friend knew I was struggling with letting go of my fear and called to say, "Trust. Trust what the Doctors are saying. We prayed for answers and a clear report for Owen and you got that. Now trust it." After listening to that message and thinking about it for the next few days I realized I was choosing fear. Every morning, I would wake up and choose it, and carry it with me the whole day. I would let fear weigh me down.
   God walks us through trials and when we're on the other side, we have a choice. We can rejoice in the Lord and thank Him for bringing us through. Or, do what I did. Choose fear. Hold onto doubt and worry, let anxiousness overwhelm our hearts and minds.

    So today, instead of carrying fear of  "What if" I will rejoice in the victory. 

- Grace & Peace

Wednesday, August 7, 2013


" I am weary with my moaning; 
every night I flood my bed with tears;
I drench my couch with weeping.
My eye wastes away because of grief;
It grows weak because of all my foes.

Psalm 6:6-7

   Ok- this is what I read this morning. My first response while reading it was " YES! Lord, that's me! That's my life!!! Everyone hates me and everything is going wrong!!!" Then I felt the Lord respond. In one word.


  Uh, say what? Lord, life is really hard right now, can't you respond with something else? Here is one of the definitions of the word Perspective: "the capacity to view things in their true relations or relative importance."

It is true. I need perspective. David was a king and had enemies that wanted to kill him. I am just overwhelmed by life. My emotions and fears are not less important to God than those of King David, BUT what I think God was trying to show me is that I am so quick to swing my emotions and feel like my world is ending. But it isn't. I actually told someone last week that I felt like Job. Then I realized how ridiculous that was and said "Except, no one died. And I didn't lose everything." I had to laugh at myself. Things have been intense for us lately, mostly weird sicknesses on our family. The scariest one was thinking Owen may be having Seizures, but after a trip to the ER and an appointment with a neurologist we found out that he was shaking his head to self sooth. By nature, I am a glass half empty person so whenever anything hard comes my response is to cry and feel overwhelmed. Luckily for me, The Lord gently reminds me that I need to keep it all in check and have Perspective. I need to rejoice in the health of my baby boy and believe that God will heal the rest of us just as he did for Owen.

Can I just encourage you to have perspective in moments of chaos or emotional distress Take a step back and let God work it out. He always does.

Grace & Peace

Thanks for checking out my blog. The writings found on these pages are just sincere thoughts, questions, and feelings I have about life, God, and banana slugs.