Saturday, May 18, 2013

But Am I Searching

It is still astounding to me how high and low my emotions can get in the matter of minutes regarding my kids. There are times when I am so overwhelmed with love and joy that I feel like I could pop. Then there are also times when I get so frustrated that I want to slam my head into the wall. (You probably think I am over exaggerating about wanting to slam my head into the wall. I assure you, I am not.) My child induced emotional highs and lows came to a head the other day in what I consider now to be a funny situation. However, in the moment, "funny" would have been the last word I used to describe it.
  So here are the things that happened. In order:
1- Terrible nights sleep. Owen was like a baby vampire who wanted to eat non-stop
2- Olive woke up on the wrong side of the bed. And by wrong side, I mean, continents away. Galaxies away.... She was ANGRY! She literally screamed non stop, all morning.
3- Ava decided that she would begin her quest of self awareness and all together stop listening to anything and everything I said.
4- My kitchen smelled awful and I could not figure out why. (It turned out to be a rotting Pear that was in the fruit bowl on the counter. YUCK!)
5- We had a weird swarm of tiny little flying beetle bugs that were covering the side of our house and shed.
Here's where it all went down hill... Olive's screams wore me down and Ava's bad listening made me angry. So, when one of the tiny little fly bugs ended up inside I wanted to take my anger out on them. I went outside without a plan, but convinced I could get rid of them by some act of will. As I stomped my feet out the side door and over toward the cluster of them a carpenter bee dove bombed for my face!!!
** Now friends, let me inform you of the terror that is a Carpenter Bee. They are GIANT black bees that fly in an erratic pattern searching for flowers. Meaning, they fly around like maniacs and dive for my head. I hate them. They are awful, and every time I see one I either scream or run.**

After the bee dove for my head I ran inside and broke down. All out ugly mom cry. Olive continued to scream, Ava kept asking me questions, and poor Daniel was so confused. In that moment when I wanted to bang my head into the wall I asked Ava to sing Jesus Loves Me. I don't know why. I just did. After she finished I started singing this song. " Lord you have my heart. And I will search for yours..." There was something that happened to my spirit when I sang Praises to God. It calmed me.
  It wasn't until later that I realized the significance of the song I sang. Those words that I unknowingly professed... God has my heart, and I need to be searching for His. Because when I do, like in that crazy moment of anger, He can do miraculous things. It may seem silly to you that just singing a song can change your whole day, but let me tell you, it isn't silly at all. It is amazing. I wasn't trying to have a deep devotional time with God, or even meet with Him at all. I was just trying to control my temper and keep my heart in check. He met me where I was and used the circumstances of my day to teach me something. Even the smallest gesture, if I reach out for God, He meets me there.

Grace & Peace

Sunday, May 12, 2013

I Just Want To Be With You

Mothers Day.
As a child, it was a day when Dad was in charge. He planned the day's events, bought the cards for us to sign, and directed us in our tasks to show my Mom how wonderful she was. It is a fond memory. Looking back on those days makes my heart smile. Knowing what I do now, I understand my Dad's deep desire to show his wife how marvelous she was. How hard she worked. How unconditionally she loved. And for a kid, we just thought it was a day to give our mom and extra hug and eat BBQ for dinner. Do I think I undervalued my mom on Mothers Day as a child? Yes. Do I think it mattered to her? No. Because of one thing. There was always one thing she wanted. The same every year, without fail. The days leading up to Mothers Day when we would ask my Mom what she wanted she would respond in a quiet and sweet voice, "I just want to be with you." As a kid, that was the best answer ever. I always feared she would ask for something HUGE. Like cleaning my room. (My room was referred to as the Black Hole. Once something went in there, it was rarely seen again.) Now, being a Mom to three little humans I understand her simple request.
   I was reminiscing this morning about my first Mothers Day. May 10th, 2009. One week before my due date with Ava. I spent the day with Daniel preparing for the arrival of our precious girl. Fast forward four years and I now have 3 children who call me Mom. Three little loves that I nurtured in my belly and now they are here. Living, breathing, tiny humans. When I think about Mothers Day and what I want to do, I think about wanting to spend time with my children. It is because of them that I get to be celebrated on this day. It is because of them that I get to experience things like laughing so hard someone shoots milk out of their nose. It is because of them that I get to experience the joy of giving birth. It is because of them that I get to experience the wonderment of learning something new. It is because of them that I get to Mother.

   So here I am years later asking for the same thing my Mom always did. I am sure that in years to come that will still be my answer. And when my children have grown and gone their own ways and I think back on my past I will remember moments like these, when all I wanted was to spend time together. To let life slow down for a while and enjoy my family. And no matter how old they get or where their lives take them, when they ask me what I want for Mothers Day I will quietly and sweetly say, "I just want to be with you."

Grace & Peace


Thursday, May 9, 2013

Learning to love my Veggies

So here's the thing, I know God uses whatever you're going through to teach you things. However, I find that fact to be even more prevalent through parenting. Maybe it's just because my job as a Momma is to encourage  love, correct, guide, support, and teach my children how to Love God and Love each other.

This evening we had another interaction with our very smart and quite emotional 3 year old. Over the past year as her vocabulary has expanded so rapidly, so has her ability to vocalize how much she doesn't like the food I make for dinner. Let me assure you, I am not exaggerating when I say that 6 out of 7 nights when dinner hits the table I hear opposition from Ava. It doesn't matter what I say or how I compare the food to some other person or animal that loves to eat it, she is adamantly against consuming it. I wish I could just explain to her how important having a good diet is. So this evening when she started complaining about eating her potatoes and veggies I wanted to just throw my hands up and give in. It is exhausting having to battle my child on the same issue 3 times a day. Luckily for me Daniel was there to handle it and talk with her, and I just took a deep breath. Fifteen minutes later as she is still sitting at the table taking mice bites of her veggies I had a thought:

I wonder how God feels when we continually try to do something that is against his will for us or is blatantly bad for us. Is he sitting next to us at the hypothetical dinner table,  coaxing us to eat our "vegetables"? 

Bam! Jesus punch to the face! I can't even tell you how many times I'll do something with my own thought process and logic and I am faced with a ton of opposition, ultimately leading to me going to God with a repentant heart for not doing it in the way He would have me to. He is my Father. He knows whats best for me. Unlike me, He never throws His hands up and walks away shaking His head. God is always patient. He loves me with a supernatural love that is interwoven with divine wisdom. I could gain a lot by modeling the way I parent after how He parents me.

Grace & Peace
Thanks for checking out my blog. The writings found on these pages are just sincere thoughts, questions, and feelings I have about life, God, and banana slugs.