Friday, September 24, 2010

Seven Days

  I know it has been a while, but there is a reason. I recently decided to fast TV and internet for a week. I went Sunday to Sunday. Please know that I usually don't talk about when I fast, but I feel that what I learned from this is important enough to share.
  I have always been a TV lover, but recently it has been a little ridiculous. I would have it on all day, not necessarily sitting and watching but listening as I would walk by. I guess I was afraid I would miss something. Whenever there wasn't anything on TV I would be on the internet. "Doing what", you ask? Nothing! Check my email, go on Facebook, look at Etsy... Nothing important.
  So, I felt like I needed to give them up for a little while and experience life without them. My first few days without TV and Internet were good, I didn't really miss it and I felt really productive. The last few days I really wanted to just sit and watch something while Ava was asleep, just rest. The internet is really hard to exist without. I didn't realize how often I used it for informative reasons, but I adapted and was ok without it. Through out the week I felt more productive, had better family time, cooked more, had better time with the Lord, and I was overall just more joyful.
  So my seven days were up and I sat down to watch some TV. Then, I began to panic. Literally. I felt terrible! I thought I was going to have a panic attack or something. My heart was racing, I felt nauseas and I felt icky in my spirit. Weird! I turned it off after a few minutes and told Daniel. I think over time I built up small layers around my spirit while watching TV. I ultimately became de-sensitized to what they were showing me. After fasting it for 7 days all of those layers came down and I was completely overwhelmed by it! Wow. I definitely didn't see that coming!
  So I instead decided to check my email and catch up on FB. After a few minutes of doing that I began to feel icky inside again. I was realizing that I was basing my relationships with people of "Liking" their photo, or one sentence comments to their wall. Not very personal at all. I realized that I justified that as "Quality time" with the most important people in my life.
  Overall, I am realizing that TV just lets bad things into my spirit, that effect me more than I know. As for Internet, it is a great resource for life but not the way I should be investing into my relationships.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

No Rush

  I always have such a hard time with the first sentence, dumb. I never know how to start it off. So to the point, I have been feeling very rushed lately. It seems as if no matter where I go, the people working there are rushing me along. Can I please just tell you how much i truly hate being rushed. I was buying a sandwich last week and the lady making it for me seemed irritated by my existence. I tried to smile more, thank her repeatedly, and be kind. When we got to the end of my options (all that was left was oil and vinegar, salt and pepper) she asked if i wanted anything else and before she even gave me a chance to answer she closed my sandwich and wrapped it up. I just stared at her. I felt awful, like i had wronged her in some way. But she was the one being a meanie. I went back to the same sandwich place 2 days ago with my brother, assuming my previous experience was a fluke (And secretively praying the mean lady wouldn't be there because she scares me). When we walked in guess who was there... Ms. Meanie pants! Dang it! She was in an even bigger rush then the time before! I left feeling very dissatisfied.
  So this morning Daniel and I went to Starbucks before Church. There weren't very many people in there. One person in front of us and one behind. Very quiet. When the Barista asked for my order i told her I needed a water and a latte and.... Then she gave me my total. I said "I'm sorry, I also need a few more things, A sandwich...." Then she gave me my total again! "I'm sorry I also need a tall coffee, that's it." She gave me my total and stuck her hand out for my money. The whole exchange left me feeling so faklempt. I left feeling more tired and frustrated then when I had walked in.
   After church Daniel was helping me do some things to get ready for our trip tomorrow and I realized that I am a rusher too!!! I rush Daniel all the time! I feel awful. I guess I just needed to get a taste of my own medicine. Bummer. There is no point to this Blog other than to slow down. Don't rush anyone and don't let anyone rush you. Just enjoy things.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Mini version of Rain

  Over the past few days my life has seemed to become quite overwhelming. There have been a few things that have happened and all I can find myself doing is crying. (Now, I'm not saying that for sympathy there is a point i swear.) Today especially, it seemed as if my tears were a constant river flowing from my eyes. I don't like crying. As a matter of fact, i hate it. I think mostly because when I start to cry I can't control it. I am not one of those people who can fight back tears. When i feel them coming, they come. I have huge tears that seem to just shoot out. I'm sure you've seen someone like that, where they can't dry there face off because too many tears are coming too fast. Well, that's me.
  A little back ground.... I woke up this morning more tired then usual. Just felt like i had to peel myself out of bed. And when Ava and I walked out into the living room it was still really dark. Usually, the sun is pouring through our windows. Instead it was cloudy and I could hear thunder. I was so happy, I love rain. I'm not sure why, I just always have. As it began to rain Ava and I went outside to enjoy it. Then I got a phone call which lead to tears.... Later on today, During a break from my cry fest God spoke something to me. Rain is His way of clearing away the dirt. After it rains, the streets are clean, the mud is off the car, and the air is crisp and fresh. He can restore us and take away the things that need to be washed in our hearts. Here's the double whammy... Then I realized that tears are like the same thing. It's like God created a mini version of rain on our face to help us clean house whenever we need too.
   So maybe, in the middle of my chaos, God is giving me tears to wash away my sorrow and restore my heart. I am so thankful He showed me that. I pray that the Lord would bring Rain to your spirit, so you can be restored.

*** Photo Courtesy of:

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Some Convo with You

   A little bit of slacking never hurt anyone, right? I've kinda been off the map for a little while, have no fear, I am back on the map! Haha. I have been seeking God out lately, I feel like I haven't heard from Him in a long time. My attitude about it wasn't very good either. I was starting to get frustrated about it. "What the heck God? I'm doing a pretty good job here, I'd really like some convo with you!" So there is this song. Incredible song. I have been walking around singing it for the past 2 weeks, just love the way it sounds. Not really paying too much attention to the words I was singing. Then yesterday I found the lyrics sheet for it and as I read through it I had a major light bulb moment. Here it is:

" Look at me inside, are you pleased with what you see
 Does my faith make you believe that I love you, I trust you
 When it's been so hard do I still love you the same way
When I had everything, Everything was you

 Do you believe me?
 Go past my lips and read my heart
 And if you don't find what's right please don't cast me to the night
 What do you want from me?
 I only ask cause whatever it is I'm ready to do
 Cause I'm never giving up you

 Without faith I can't be yours I know
 Without faith I don't have a chance at happiness"
(Written by Frontline worship team

  The first line of the song smacked me across the face. "Look at me inside are you pleased?" Frick! Probably not! My heart was so bad. Thank you Lord for showing me that. And thank you for not giving up on me. 
Thanks for checking out my blog. The writings found on these pages are just sincere thoughts, questions, and feelings I have about life, God, and banana slugs.