Bad Idea

     

CONFESSION: I spent nap time Insta-Stalking other Moms. 

   What is "Insta-Stalking", you ask? Well, it means some how finding a friend of a friend of a friends, sisters, next door neighbors, hair dressers Instagram and looking through all their pictures. All the while, comparing your house, kids, style, workout routine, culinary abilities, and hair color with unknown Cyber moms. It's an awful thing to do my friends. Yet, I still do it... All the time. I usually walk away from my phone feeling super bummed at my lack of Super Mom-ness. Today was no excpetion. I stumbled upon this amazing mom with a gaggle of kids, a cute house, cool hair, athletic, and she loved Jesus. So what was I to do after feeling like an uber lame Mom? I know! Lets have a pedicure party! BAD IDEA. Why did I think painting nails would be a good idea on my 21 month old crazy Olive? She smudged her mint green toes on EVERYTHING, including my wet toes. Ava dropped stacking boxes on the only 3 toes Olive missed and I found myself more frazzled then I could bare. All the while Owen is sitting in his Bouncer like an angel, then I realized he was probably overwhelmed by the nail polish smell! So I scrambled to open every door and window in the house. But don't worry, it's only over 100 degrees outside. Sigh...

   I couldn't help but laugh. I did my best to fix our toes, but they're still a little funky. I was texting a good friend of mine today about how well put together the amazing Mom I found on Instagram was and how she seemed to have it all put together. Ya know what my friends response was..."Yea... lol. Doesn't everyone?" She is so right. I only ever post the BEST pictures of myself, when my house is sparkling clean, and my children are well behaved. I never post pictures of the other 90% of life when I am covered in Spit Up, chasing around Olive who is always half naked and yelling at the dog, while Ava explains to me her deep reasoning on wanting to be a grown up and not a kid. It's funny how filters on a photo editing social media site make me look better, huh? 

   So here's my confession: I am not Perfect. I get frustrated with my kids sometimes. My house is usually a mess. I haven't brushed my hair in 3 days. And the only fruit or veggie my kids have had in the past 4 days is oranges, because I haven't made it to the store in a week.

   So if there are any Mom's out there who feel like they aren't the perfect "Insta-Mom" all the time, it's ok, you're not alone. Try not to compare yourself, everyone has hard days. You're awesome, your kids are cute, you are in great shape, you look like an incredible cook, and you seem to be getting a full 8 hours of sleep every night! ;) Ok, the last one may be a stretch...

Grace & Peace 

Learning to love my Veggies

So here's the thing, I know God uses whatever you're going through to teach you things. However, I find that fact to be even more prevalent through parenting. Maybe it's just because my job as a Momma is to encourage  love, correct, guide, support, and teach my children how to Love God and Love each other.

This evening we had another interaction with our very smart and quite emotional 3 year old. Over the past year as her vocabulary has expanded so rapidly, so has her ability to vocalize how much she doesn't like the food I make for dinner. Let me assure you, I am not exaggerating when I say that 6 out of 7 nights when dinner hits the table I hear opposition from Ava. It doesn't matter what I say or how I compare the food to some other person or animal that loves to eat it, she is adamantly against consuming it. I wish I could just explain to her how important having a good diet is. So this evening when she started complaining about eating her potatoes and veggies I wanted to just throw my hands up and give in. It is exhausting having to battle my child on the same issue 3 times a day. Luckily for me Daniel was there to handle it and talk with her, and I just took a deep breath. Fifteen minutes later as she is still sitting at the table taking mice bites of her veggies I had a thought:

I wonder how God feels when we continually try to do something that is against his will for us or is blatantly bad for us. Is he sitting next to us at the hypothetical dinner table,  coaxing us to eat our "vegetables"? 

Bam! Jesus punch to the face! I can't even tell you how many times I'll do something with my own thought process and logic and I am faced with a ton of opposition, ultimately leading to me going to God with a repentant heart for not doing it in the way He would have me to. He is my Father. He knows whats best for me. Unlike me, He never throws His hands up and walks away shaking His head. God is always patient. He loves me with a supernatural love that is interwoven with divine wisdom. I could gain a lot by modeling the way I parent after how He parents me.

Grace & Peace

A Sick Girl and a Tired Mama

What a week it has been... Oh my goodness. We woke up Monday morning to a VERY sick Olive Grace. She had thrown up everywhere. So sad. And so gross. The rest of the day was spent cuddling, sleeping, crying, but luckily no more barfing. (hallelujah!) Our usually rambunctious girl was out of sorts and very sad. It is the worst thing in the world to have a sick baby! We thought it might be food poisoning, but there's no way to tell for sure.

She only wanted her Daddy, which made him feel Oh-So-Loved and by Monday evening when she went to bed we were all exhausted and heavy in prayer that whatever she had wouldn't spread to the rest of us. It's been a long week, and a slow recovery for our girl. She is still so tired and uninterested in her usual favorite activities. Ava has been a trooper. She was SO bored this week. We stayed home all week just to be sure no one else was sick and because we didn't want to possibly spread anything. Sharing is NOT caring in this circumstance. 

She got to meet the dog my brother is taking care of for 6 weeks for a friend. This girl is an animal lover! I can't remember the dogs name for the life of me, but Ava talks about it all the time. Mommy fail moment. Owen had a rough few days, maybe because things were crazy around here for a while. But I swear that little dude is getting cuter by the second!       

                                                

It was a LONG, emotional week for us. I am glad things have wound down and everyone else stayed healthy and Oli is on the mend. I had a conversation with Daniel at one point this week regarding some nostalgia I was feeling about how my relationship with God used to be. How it was when Daniel and I first met, when I was interning at our church and trying to figure out God independently. I was constantly learning new things and going deeper into the word. As of today, in my life now, with 3 kids, its victory to even find my Bible. Ava likes to carry it around and pretend its her "pretty book" while talking in a British accent. I can't complain, it's outrageously cute. But non the less, my spirit is thirsty for new life and fresh discovery of Gods word. Daniel listened intently to my thoughts and desires and encouraged me to fight for time whenever I could. But something hit me a few days later as I did find a spare moment to read the Word of God. Psalm 51:

As  I read through those verses something stuck to my heart that I thought about for the rest of the week... The thought of God not wanting sacrifice, but a spirit that is broken and needing to be put back together by Him. My relationship with God can not be limited to or categorized by the number of times in a week that I have deep devotional readings and exploration of the Word. And that's not what He wants from me. He wants me to be broken before him. Unable to carry the load of being a mother, especially in difficult times when kids are sick or needy. When I can't find the desire or strength to pick up another toy or clean another dish, lay my sad broken spirit at His feet. Let Him do with me what He pleases. Make me into the mother and wife, the daughter, the friend, He wants me to be. Lucky for me, I have a God that continually reminds me of his Love and Thoughtfulness for me. Thank you God for refreshing my soul with your insights. 

Grace & Peace

Owen Daniel

I would like to introduce you to my son,

Owen Daniel Horning.

Born on March 17, 2013 at 12:52am. He was 8lbs 8oz and 20.5" long. 

Owen is such a dream. He is a wonderful addition to our family. Ava & Olive are so in love with their new little brother, They run to his side whenever he cries and shower him with hugs and kisses all day long. My delivery of Owen was a whole new experience for me. Even though he is my third child, he is my first one to be delivered with no medication to induce labor. Both of the girls were induced and I had an epidural. I labored for 12 hours with Ava and for 6 With Olive. My prayer throughout this third pregnancy was that God would let me experience labor on my own and I wouldn't have to be induced. I wanted to know that my body could do it on its own. And here is how the story goes...

The two weeks leading up to Owen's birth were spent cleaning, organizing, gardening, cooking, and doing anything else that would keep me busy. As my due date began to creep closer my mind would wonder to places of defeat and frustration, I had already given into the idea that I was going to be induced. My hearts cry to God was that I would go into labor on my own and I would pray every day that He would let it happen. Every night when Daniel would rub my feet I would pour my heart out to him and try my hardest to better explain my desire. I felt silly wanting labor so badly. I knew that either way I would end up with a sweet new baby and that I would labor for hours whether with Pitocin or without. 

There was a particular verse that I would say in my mind whenever I would pray about it. " For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11) I would meditate on that verse and try to remind myself that God knew exactly how he wanted Owen to come into this world. 

On Saturday March 16, (One week and one day before my due date) my parents came over to help us get some house projects done. Daniel built a fence in the front yard, my dad did some electrical work, I organized in the house, and my mom gardened. At one point in the early afternoon I went out front to see how everyone was doing and sat down on our walk way. As I talked with my mom I began weeding in between some of the Paver Stones lining our walk way. It was really awkward and uncomfortable to lean over my giant belly and get down to those weeds, and I remember looking up at my mom and sarcastically saying, "Well, if this doesn't put me into labor than nothing will!" Little did I know, I was only hours away from the beginnings of labor. 

As late afternoon came around and we had all showered and cleaned up from the days work I was beginning to notice that I was "cramping". They would come and go and were getting stronger each time. I thought it might be labor, so I quietly packed mine and Daniel's bag for the hospital. We went to my parents house for dinner at 5:30pm and I had a good friend who was visiting from out of town stop by to say Hi. As time went on at my parents and the "cramping" continued and intensified I began to wonder if I was indeed in labor. Around 6:30pm I was contracting every 10 minutes. I told my mom what I was feeling and asked if she thought I was in labor. Her response, "Maybe?" Gee, thanks Ma! I was hoping for a little more affirmation. But in the next 45 minutes sitting outside it was evident that the time had come! Daniel and I took our girls home and did their normal bedtime routine, with occasional breaks for me leaning against a wall or dresser trying to breath. We got the girls in bed and I began to gather last minute things and clean the house. Although, looking back I wasn't really cleaning, I was just carrying things around and setting them down somewhere else. My contractions were about 7 minutes apart and getting more intense. Even during contractions I was trying to talk myself out of labor. I was so worried that it was just a false alarm and my contractions would stop. I didn't want to get my hopes up. Around 9:15pm as I was laying down I had a contraction that made me realize it was "go time". I looked at Daniel and told him it was time to go. We excitedly scrambled to get stuff together, my parents came to stay with the girls, and off we went to have our son.

Once arriving at the hospital they took me to what they call the "Prove It" room, where they check to see if you're actually in labor. I was at 7cm. Go time!!!! They put in an IV and rushed me off to a labor and delivery room. After getting situated in our room and finishing all our paperwork around 10:30pm my nurse came in and asked if I wanted an epidural. And there it was, the million dollar question! I hadn't decided if I wanted one or not. I knew I wanted one if I had to be induced, but to my surprise I went into labor on my own. I turned to Daniel and asked him what I should do and he lovingly said that it was up to me. I looked at my nurse and told her I wanted to wait and see how far I could make it on my own.... Little did I know there was no turning back!

My contractions intensified quickly. In between contraction my nurse repeatedly complimented Daniel on his glorious beard and reminded me while in pain more than once that I had a hot husband... It was funny, but very true! By 11:15 I was doing the crazy lady moaning with each contraction. I remember looking up at Daniel and the nurse Jewel and apologizing for being one of those weird ladies you see in the birthing videos. They both laughed. By 12am I thought the world was going to end. My contractions were so intense and so close together I felt like I couldn't catch my breath. They lasted for over a minute but were only 45 seconds apart. It got real crazy real fast. In those last 52 minutes of labor, when I was at my weakest, in the most pain of my life, I leaned on Daniel for physical and emotional support. He was incredibly kind and reassuring in the moments when I felt like I couldn't go on. He reminded me that if I could just keep going I would get to hold my son. He was right, and it was so worth it. At 12:52am Owen Daniel was born. He was perfect. 

Daniel and I don't name our children until after they are born because we want to see them first. Naming our son was the most difficult of our three children, but so special for me. I knew I wanted him to have Daniel's name, because of how wonderful he was to me during my labor and delivery. 

Owen means "Well Born" and Daniel means "God is my judge".

I didn't plan on it and I don't know if I could do it again, but having a natural delivery was an incredible experience. Being that aware of what is going on is both excruciating and invigorating. Owen's birth story is unique and new to me and I wouldn't change it.

Grace & Peace

Holy Spirit

The Holy Spirit. It's something you hear spoken about on the regular at Church. Or by your parents. Or in songs. But what is it? What does it mean for me? How is it something I am able to attain?

  The past few weeks I have thought over this topic repetitively. Reading scripture, praying, and trying to just wrap my head around it. The crazy thing is, my whole life prior to the past few weeks I've never thought twice about the Holy Spirit. It's like, " Can you please pass the Ketchup. Oh yea, the Holy Spirit, it's part of the trinity." Ok, maybe not in that order. But none the less, it has been a well comprehended biblical aspect my whole life. For some reason though, as of late, It isn't good enough to just know it's there. To just have this power sitting in my pocket and not doing anything with it. I'll just go to battle and bring a bazooka, but put it in my pocket and not use it. I would prefer to fight with a harmonica. What?!? That's so dumb. It's there. It's real. And it's unused.

  Being a worship leader I "feel" the spirit often. I quoted the word feel because It's not a feeling like when you high five someone and there is tangible touch, it's more of a sway in my soul that feels different. I know I'm not making a lot of sense now. Moving on.... Feeling the spirit in the room while leading worship or when praying is awesome but not what I'm searching for. I know the Lord is with me. Present in my life always. I know he is around. What I am searching for is how do I attain the Spirit of the Lord....

   Here is what I think God is showing me-
  In the new testament when It talks about tongues of fire falling down on the heads of the disciples, it says they were "filled" with the Holy Spirit. Meaning, it was dwelling in them. It being, The Holy Spirit. Say What?!? They were all sitting together waiting on the Lord to do something and He filled them with his Spirit. Ok, so how do I get it? Is there a line? Like at the post office when you walk in and grab a number? "Excuse me sir, I think I was here first..." So as I am reading over this story and wondering how to get it I feel like the Lord told me something big. "Is there room for me in your spirit?" I sat there for a minute wondering if there was, until I realized there wasn't. My spirit was full of worry, pride, selfishness, and contentment. I had been praying for the Holy Spirit to fill me and move in me like He did with the disciples but I wasn't giving God room to do it. My Spirit needs to be ready for him. I need to regularly check and clear out my spirit so that there is room for the Lord to fill me. To use me.

Weekend Madness

Look! I got a Two-fer!

   This weekend has been jam packed full of home improving fun! Tons of projects getting crossed off our list, Hallelujah! Today we ran down to Lowe's (my favorite store) and when we got out of the car, guns blazing, ready to tackle our giant list of things we needed.... We found two very cute sleeping daughters. I super love them. I thought I was going to explode with mommy love in that moment. If you look closely you can see Oli's hood over one eye, she is a tiny gangster. And what you can't see is Ava covered from Head to Pink booted toe in graham cracker crumbs. And let me just tell ya, I'm not exaggerating here people... She seriously dusted the top of her head with crumbs as if it were pixie dust and she was hoping to fly! I love that little weirdy. I told Daniel it was a two-fer, because both of them fell asleep at the same time (which never happens!). 

   It has been such an awesome weekend, and one of the best parts was at Church this morning. I love my Church, everything about it. And this morning as Daniel and I were leading worship I had this awesome God moment. You know, the kind where you break out into an ugly cry in front of your entire congregation trying to explain something God is showing you? Oh... You have no idea what I mean? Let me explain. While we were singing "Came to my Rescue" I had an image in my mind of a swimmer way out in the ocean who all of a sudden is terrified they may drown. The swimmer then looks on shore to see the life guard there, watching, ready at any moment to rescue. It seems obvious, doesn't it? But God blew me away. He wants to rescue me. When I am at my weakest and feel like I can't keep going, I can throw my hands up and He will run to me. And save me. Every time. Why? Because I am so awesome? Nope. It's because He desires relationship with me. And even in my long seasons of not pursuing relationship with Him, He waits for me. Ready, at any moment to rescue me and woo me back into relationship with Him. Insane. Seriously, blows my mind. So this morning, while on stage, I explain this to the congregation and i bust out my ugliest cry. But hey, the message I was trying to get across was more important then my composure, right? Definitely. So there ya have it. Just let that sink in. God is more then good. So incredible. 

Grace & Peace 

Keeping My Fingers Crossed...

   Well, as you may have read in a previous post we are looking for a house. To our HUGE surprise, we almost have one!!! By almost I mean, we are in contract, starting the inspection and funding process. But this is the closest we have ever been!!!! It's a great little house in Boulder with a huge back yard for Ava to play in, Lots of potential and loads of charm. I have found myself getting a little nervous that something is going to go wrong and we wont get the house. To be this close and then to lose it would be a tough pill to swallow. We are leaning on Jesus though, trusting that if this is the right house and the right timing that He would let the whole process go smoothly.
   In other news I am 25 weeks pregnant with our tiny Button. I'm feeling pretty good and surprisingly not letting myself get too stressed over the house stuff. Ava's new favorite thing is to sing songs to her baby sister. Her favorite one to sing her is an old Hymn that goes like this... "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. There's just something about that name." It's so cute to hear her singing, let alone that she is singing to my belly. Cuteness overload!
   And the most exciting news of all, Ava is almost 2!!!!! Her birthday is on Thursday! How the heck did that happen? I feel like she just turned 1. I have been having a blast getting everything ready for her Minnie Mouse themed Birthday party. She is so excited to play with her friends, eat Kuh-Cakes (cupcakes), and get Prizes (presents)!!! Cute thing!! I am trying to soak it all in, I don't want to miss a thing!
   I have been reading out of Proverbs and there are a few verses that really struck me. It's talking about wisdom, and how crucial it is to have it. So as these big things are going on in our life I have been constantly praying for God to give us wisdom on each specific situation. Here are the verses...
"So, my dear friends, listen carefully; those who embrace these my ways are most blessed. Mark a life of discipline and live wisely; don't squander your precious life. Blessed the man, blessed the woman, who listens to me, awake and ready for me each morning, alert and responsive as I start my day's work.
Proverbs 8:32-34

 So, please keep us in you're prayers, we definitely need them!


Grace & Peace

(picture is of Ava's Birthday invites I made with my Mom)

House Hunters...Horning Edition

   Oh Lord have mercy. Trying to buy a house is probably the most exhausting thing I have ever done. Over the past 3ish months Daniel and I have been on the hunt for our first little home. We started out with tons of excitement and energy and now we are dragging our feet. I think we have put in about 6 offers. Now a few of those are duplicate offers on a single property, but still lots of offers. We fell deeply in love with one house and didn't get it and now were still being just a little "emo" about it. We are going to look at a few more this week, pray for us! The hardest part in this whole Home Buying process is really trusting that the Lord has a perfect house at the perfect time. My brain is so quick to work out details that I think fit perfectly, but every time I do I am reminded that God is weaving His details together much better then I ever could.
   In other news, we started our Name List! There are quite a few very cute possible names for Tiny Dancer #2 on there! Can't wait till she is here and I get to squeeze her. T-minus 4 months and 5 days.... Well, till my due date, but going off previous experience it will be about a week after that.


Grace & Peace

Mustard Seed Love

This morning in my Bible I read Matthew 17. The whole chapter is amazing, but I read over a very familiar story and it encouraged me in a new way. Verse 20 says this:

" He replied, "Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, "Move from here to there," and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you"

   Every time I have read that scripture or heard it in a sermon it was used as an encourager to have more faith and you can do more for God. I mean, that was the basic gist of it. But today as I read it I was encouraged as a Mother. I know it may seem a bit cheesy, but it's true! Daniel and I found out yesterday that we are having another little girl, and my biggest concern with having 2 children is giving them each enough love and attention. I am not worried about how to manage two kids, or go to the grocery store, or run errands, or even about finances! I just want to make sure they both feel loved enough. And as I was reading that verse I felt so encouraged and relieved, like, "Hey, I can do this!"
   I know the key to it working is having enough faith, and even though it is a struggle sometimes to not doubt God or try and fix a problem on my own, at least I know that it is possible. If I just have mustard seed faith that God will help me, I know I can do it.  I want to have Mustard seed love for my babies. If my faith is the size of a mustard seed and I can move a mountain, imagine how much mustard seed love could do.


Grace & Peace

Fallen Before The Ark

   I've been on a bit of a Blog Vacation. Spent some time thinking about other things that are going on and devoting more of my free time to being a better Wife and Momma. Now that I feel like I have a better handle on things I am back in the Blog-saddle.
  Something super awesome that I have been doing lately is reading through the book of 1 Samuel. Whoa. Talk about gnar gnar! I am only 10 chapters in, but let me just tell you, there is some crazy stuff happening in there! Something that really struck me is in Chapter 5, here's some super cool God knowledge for ya...
   The Israelites were in battle against the Philistines, and they were losing. So the Israelites sent for the Ark of the Covenant, thinking that if it was with them in battle they would surely win. Wrong. The Philistines CRUSHED the Israelites, and when they did they stole the Ark of the Covenant. WHAT!?! Who does that? Who steals someone else's God? Any way- moving on. They brought the Ark back to their city and placed it in "Dagons temple", that was there God. Ok here's the rest....

^"3 When the people of Ashdod rose early the next day, there was Dagon, fallen on his face on the ground before the ark of the LORD! They took Dagon and put him back in his place. ⁴ But the following morning when they rose, there was Dagon, fallen on his face on the ground before the ark of the LORD! His head and hands had been broken off and were lying on the threshold; only his body remained. ⁵ That is why to this day neither the priests of Dagon nor any others who enter Dagon’s temple at Ashdod step on the threshold."


   Uh... Can you say, AWESOME! When I read this, I giggled.... Out loud. It was just a cool moment for me. Reading about the power of my God, and how He made other stupid little statues bow at His feet. So cool.
It was encouraging because I realized that God can and still does do that. When I feel like darkness is closing in on me or I let fear creep in, God makes it cower at His feet. He is bigger and stronger then anything or anyone else. I am glad He is on my side....


Grace & Peace

Written on my Arm

   As some of you may know I recently got a partial sleeve on my left arm. The things in it are all things I feel the Lord is showing me or speaking through me. I haven't written out what they all mean and I thought now would be a great time to do so, so here we go...

- The tree is from Song of Solomon 2:3 " Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest is my beloved among young men. I delight to sit in his shade, and his fruit is sweet to my taste."

- The heart and banner is from 1 John 4:16 " And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in us."

- The flowers are from a painting i did a while back about the fruits of the spirit in Galatians 5:22-24 " But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires."

- The rays of light and the sun are from Mark 13:26 " At that time people will see the son of man coming in the clouds with great power and glory." (I also used the Hillsong United song "Hosanna" for a little inspiration from the line "I see the king of glory, coming on the clouds with fire". That's where the fire colors in the rays come from)

- The peace sign in the heart is from James 3:18 " Peacemakers who sew in peace, reap a harvest of righteousness." 

- And lastly, probably the most meaningful for me, The waves from Jonah 2 " From inside the fish Jonah prayed to the the Lord his God. He said:
In my distress I called to the Lord, and He answered me.
Out of the belly of Sheol I cried out, and you heard my voice.
For you cast me into the deep, into the heart of the seas,
 and the flood surrounded me, 
all your waves and billows passed over me;
Then I said " I am driven away from your sight,
yet I shall look again upon your holy temple."
The waters closed in over me to take my life;
the deep surrounded me;
weeds were wrapped about my head
at the roots of the mountains.
I went down to the land whose bars closed upon me forever; 
yet you brought up my life from the pit,
O Lord my God.
When my life was fainting away,
I remembered the Lord,
and my prayer came to you,
into your holy temple.
Those who pay regard to vain idols
forsake their hope of steadfast love.
But I with the voice of thanksgiving will sacrifice to you;
what I have vowed I will pay.
Salvation belongs to the LORD."

One last thing I wanted to share. Last night as I was doing my devotional, the reading for that day was James 3. The chapter where one of the verse references for my tattoo is. It was the first time since getting my sleeve I have randomly read over one of the verses. It was so incredible. As if the Bible wasn't already so special, it became even more to me in that moment. Realizing that I am wearing a piece of Gods word forever was so powerful. It was a great moment.


- Grace & Peace




* Side Note * If your in LV and thinking about getting work done, I would definitely encourage you to go to Chance @ Red Handed Tattoo Gallery. He is the guy that did all my work. Incredible artist. Incredible man of God.

Running in the Streets

  Last night at the Response, Daniel and I shared from James 5. This is the verse that struck my heart, " My dear friends, if you know people who have wondered off from God's truth, don't write them off. Go after them. Get them back and you will have rescued precious lives from destruction and prevented an epidemic of wandering away from God."

  Whoa. Just soak that in for a minute..... It reminded me of a quote I heard a while ago, " If we actually believed in hell the way The Bible describes it, then we would be running in the streets trying to get people saved." So why is it that I am not running in the streets? I think it is a mixture of things. I'm worried what people will think of me, I don't think they would respond well to a crazy lady yelling at them, and the big one is I don't know if they really want to hear what I have to say. I think I have been letting that last one be my driving force. "I know that they don't want to listen to me, so I won't even try." But in reality, I think that is just a cop out. I think I am too afraid of being rejected or finding myself in a confrontation that I don't try.
   My insecurities are keeping me from reaching out to people. I think it may be time to get over myself and start talking to people. So maybe I wont be running down the street yelling it at people, but if I can at least start a conversation with someone in line that's a start. You never know what interaction could lead into another interaction which could lead into a friendship and then ultimately lead into salvation. So hears my goal: Start talking to strangers. Sounds silly, yes. But is it effective, maybe. I guess I will just have to see.


 - Grace & Peace









**** Photo Courtesy of Bostonbiker.org

Tangled Thread

  While Ava took her afternoon nap today I decided to be productive and finish one of the 900 projects I've started. (ok, maybe there aren't 900- but there are at least 9!) The project I chose to tackle today was a stuffed owl I wanted to make for Ava. I had made one for my niece for her 2nd Birthday back in September and started Ava's at the same time. It was a twin owl, cousin, i love you thing. There is a lot of hand stitching involved in this project. Lots of layers and I use a super thick thread, made for hand stitching. I did the small hand stitching parts first to get them out of the way. When I had finished with that and moved on to the more intensive hand stitching parts I needed a lot more thread. As I began to sew I was getting into a rhythm and then the thread stop short. I turned the owl over and saw a huge knot. I didn't understand how it could knot, but it did. I got it out and continued on, only to get another knot after a few more stitches. This continued to happen every 4-5 stitches. I was getting a little bit irritated. 

  Then I felt like God said" You're getting caught up in your own thread". I sat there for a minute just staring at the needle and thread, slightly shocked that God used sewing as an example and also trying to figure out what that meant. Here's what I arrived upon. Our lives are a long thread. We sew and get into a rhythm of things, and then we let ourselves get upset about something we don't have control over, or we are envious of something we don't have, or wish we were somewhere else. Every time we focus on one of those tings we get a knot in our thread. Causing us to stop and untangle ourselves, hopefully learning the lesson we needed to. But all to often after getting back into our rhythm we are in a knot over the same thing again. 

  I need to focus on the important things and find a good rhythm. Trying every day not to get caught up in another knot. I hope you can find your rhythm.

Find Your Everest

  Life. I'm feeling more and more as if it is just rushing by me. Like I am not making the most of every possible moment. Daniel, Ava, and I went out to breakfast this morning at a tiny little diner in town. One of the reasons we love going there is because of the vibe it has. The walls are covered with pictures and surf boards, little nick-nack things and crazy paint. On the wall next to the table we sat at today was a series of 5 or 6 pictures of this young boy. They were pictures of him climbing mountains. Not just little ones either. Like, Kilimanjaro... Seriously. One of the pictures was twice the size as the rest and looked like it was a magazine cover. When we read the headline Daniel and I were astonished. It was the young boy standing at the top of Mt Everest. Wow. His name is Jordan Romero and He climbed Everest at 13. He is the youngest person to ever climb that mountain. On the picture he wrote a little note to the owner of the diner and at the bottom wrote "Find your Everest".
  Daniel and I started talking about what that meant to us. "Find your Everest". Had we climbed our own Everest? Eventually the topic phased out and we left the diner, but the thought of Jordan's words rang loudly in my mind. I have been searching for something lately. I am not sure what it is or how it is going to come to fruition, but I feel like it is my Everest. It is almost within reach. I am excited to discover the things that God has in store for me and the Mountains He is having me climb right now to get ready for Everest.
   What is your Everest? Have you reached the peak?





**** Photo Courtesy of Facebook.com

Seven Days

  I know it has been a while, but there is a reason. I recently decided to fast TV and internet for a week. I went Sunday to Sunday. Please know that I usually don't talk about when I fast, but I feel that what I learned from this is important enough to share.
  I have always been a TV lover, but recently it has been a little ridiculous. I would have it on all day, not necessarily sitting and watching but listening as I would walk by. I guess I was afraid I would miss something. Whenever there wasn't anything on TV I would be on the internet. "Doing what", you ask? Nothing! Check my email, go on Facebook, look at Etsy... Nothing important.
  So, I felt like I needed to give them up for a little while and experience life without them. My first few days without TV and Internet were good, I didn't really miss it and I felt really productive. The last few days I really wanted to just sit and watch something while Ava was asleep, just rest. The internet is really hard to exist without. I didn't realize how often I used it for informative reasons, but I adapted and was ok without it. Through out the week I felt more productive, had better family time, cooked more, had better time with the Lord, and I was overall just more joyful.
  So my seven days were up and I sat down to watch some TV. Then, I began to panic. Literally. I felt terrible! I thought I was going to have a panic attack or something. My heart was racing, I felt nauseas and I felt icky in my spirit. Weird! I turned it off after a few minutes and told Daniel. I think over time I built up small layers around my spirit while watching TV. I ultimately became de-sensitized to what they were showing me. After fasting it for 7 days all of those layers came down and I was completely overwhelmed by it! Wow. I definitely didn't see that coming!
  So I instead decided to check my email and catch up on FB. After a few minutes of doing that I began to feel icky inside again. I was realizing that I was basing my relationships with people of "Liking" their photo, or one sentence comments to their wall. Not very personal at all. I realized that I justified that as "Quality time" with the most important people in my life.
  Overall, I am realizing that TV just lets bad things into my spirit, that effect me more than I know. As for Internet, it is a great resource for life but not the way I should be investing into my relationships.

Some Convo with You

   A little bit of slacking never hurt anyone, right? I've kinda been off the map for a little while, have no fear, I am back on the map! Haha. I have been seeking God out lately, I feel like I haven't heard from Him in a long time. My attitude about it wasn't very good either. I was starting to get frustrated about it. "What the heck God? I'm doing a pretty good job here, I'd really like some convo with you!" So there is this song. Incredible song. I have been walking around singing it for the past 2 weeks, just love the way it sounds. Not really paying too much attention to the words I was singing. Then yesterday I found the lyrics sheet for it and as I read through it I had a major light bulb moment. Here it is:


" Look at me inside, are you pleased with what you see
 Does my faith make you believe that I love you, I trust you
 When it's been so hard do I still love you the same way
When I had everything, Everything was you


 Do you believe me?
 Go past my lips and read my heart
 And if you don't find what's right please don't cast me to the night
 What do you want from me?
 I only ask cause whatever it is I'm ready to do
 Cause I'm never giving up you


 Without faith I can't be yours I know
 Without faith I don't have a chance at happiness"
(Written by Frontline worship team http://frontlineworship.com/)


  The first line of the song smacked me across the face. "Look at me inside are you pleased?" Frick! Probably not! My heart was so bad. Thank you Lord for showing me that. And thank you for not giving up on me. 

Notice Me

 
  Last Wednesday night @ The Response we had our friends Andrew and Kelly share about their journey that God is taking them on. So rad. One of the things that Andrew said struck me. He talked about his first year at Masters Commission ( A intense 9 month discipleship program) and how one of the leaders said that every day she tried as hard as she can to make a difference and peruse God, because when she gets to heaven she wants God to notice her. Crazy right? I've never thought about going to heaven like that before. But I get it, when I arrive I want God to see me and be so excited that I am there. Seek me out in the crowd. Now don't get me wrong, I know I'll get a high five and a nice to see you, but what I'm looking for is intentional seeking out and joy to see me. Heavy.
  I came home that night with that thought ringing in my head, and trying to figure out how I can achieve that. Then I thought of a sermon that Pastor Jack Hayford gave a long time ago that I just heard for the first time a little while back. He talked about a friend of his that kept a journal every day of what he had done. So at night right before bed, he would spend a few minutes writing down everything he had done that day. Keeping stock of his life. He did it or different reasons then I am suggesting, but I still think It's a great idea. If every night I write down what I had accomplished that day It would force me to take stock of my life. I would realize how much time I had wasted on something insignificant or maybe find time to do something that could make a difference.
  I don't know, maybe I'm crazy. But I want God to notice me in the crowd. So I am going to do it, keep a journal every day of what I've done. Keep myself accountable, so I can do something greater with my life. Something I know God would be proud of.

Grace and Peace





***Image Courtesy of: www.wlwest.co.uk

What Is my Identity?

 
  This past week and a half has proven to be more difficult then I thought it would be. As you know I hurt my foot, and even though it seems I should have recovered by now I have not. I have been struggling so much with just letting my foot heal in it's own time. Being a stay at home Mom means that there are certain things that are my responsibilities to get done every day. Spending quality time with Ava, cleaning, cooking, basically making sure our home continues to run smoothly. But unfortunately I haven't been able to do those things, well, I've been trying but they aren't being done well. The past few days have been the worst. I have been feeling grumpy and down on myself and I didn't know how to explain it to Daniel. Then last night It hit me, I figured out a way to express myself.

    I explained it to him like this, " Daniel, It would be like you spraining your wrist and not being able to type, talk on the phone, or play music. (Three things that his jobs entail) And you just had to stay home and sit, even though the other 98% of you feels great. You would miss out on work, not get paid, and get behind on the things you need to do." He got it. I think I got it. lol. I realized as I was telling him how I felt that I have completely wrapped my Identity in being a Mom and Homemaker. Sure, there are other things I'm good t and like doing, but my main focus is being a mom and homemaker.

   I've been angry with God because I feel like He hasn't healed me fast enough. However, I'm starting to see that the bigger picture is finding my true identity in something eternal. Him. So God, keep me in pain until I get it. I want to make sure that this isn't a superficial change, but a long lasting one. My identity is in you.

Grace and Peace

*** Photo Courtesy of: askville.amazon.com

Crutching around.

 

   Last Sunday during our first Young Adults event at the water park I slipped and hurt my foot really bad. I was chasing after Ava and there was a huge puddle that I slipped in. My right foot went straight out and my left leg went under me and I landed on my foot. Ouchy! I brushed it off and waddled back teary eyed to our picnic tables. Once things wrapped up and people started leaving I realized just how badly I had hurt myself. I could barely make it to the car the pain was so bad. As soon as we started driving the tears started flowing. Looking back on it, i think the walk to the car just made it worse. When we got to the house I could barely make it up the stairs. Everything hurt. Even when I was sitting still it was shooting pain. After a while the pain was unbearable, so I had Daniel take me to the ER. After x-rays and painful stretching of my foot the Doc said it was just a pad sprain.
  I left feeling like such an Idiot. I couldn't believe I went to the ER for a sprain. It hurt so bad, that I was sure it had to be broken. I felt like I must have just over exaggerated the pain, and that made me feel like an even bigger Idiot. Over the next three days it still hurt so bad that I couldn't walk on it. So I was on crutches, (Which really suck!). I didn't want anyone to see me or know that I was on crutches, because I was embarrassed. I was embarrassed that it was only a sprain and I was on crutches. So i stopped using my crutches before I should have and may have hurt myself worse because I didn't let it heal how it needed too.
   But then I realized.... Here comes the Jesus tie in.... That the trials in our lives are all on different levels. Someone might stumble and sprain something and someone else might fall and break something. But who am I too judge them on how bad it truly hurts. Who I am to say that a break is worse then a sprain? God puts us all through totally different things that effect us all differently. So there are two points here. One- If it hurts, it hurts. Don't sell yourself short, and give it time to heal. Two- Don't judge anyone elses hurt. You have no idea how crippling It may be for them. Instead, help them when they are hurting.


Grace and Peace




Picture courtesy of: National-med.com

Loud Trucks

   The past week or so has been quite exhausting. Both of our cars took a decline so we decided to sell them both and try to buy one better working car. Selling two cars at the same time gets confusing. We sold both cars and are now on the hunt for our new one, or should i say "newer" one. This morning while I was laying in bed, (And I know what you're thinking... You're thinking "Wow, a lot of what this lady talks about is things she thought of while in bed. And it's true, it's the only time I am able to have a complete thought throughout my day.) So back to what I was saying, While I was laying in bed I could hear loud trucks driving by. Right behind our house is the water reclemation building and there are tons of loud city trucks that drive right by my house all day. And as I was listening to those trucks all I could think about was if they were going to wake up Ava. Then it hit me...
   I realized that over the past few months Ava has built up a tolerance to the noise levels outside of her window. Well, for the most part at least. And while she was building a tolerance, I was building a sensitivity to the noise so I could be aware of what was going on outside my house. And the times she does wake up crying, I am ready to go in and hold her. What's the point of this, you ask? Well, the point is that we are like Ava. There are loud trucks (obstacles or hardships)  that pass by our window and we can either wake up every time we hear one or let them fade into the background and continue sleeping. So who is building up the sensitivity to the noise in your life? God. I'm sure you saw that coming. He is awake early in the morning listening for things that could come by and wake you up. Ready at any moment to run in and hold you. So rest well in the knowledge that He is awake worrying about you, you don't have to do it yourself.
  This all ties into my original story, I promise. I have been to stressed about our car situation and how it's going to plan out that I have been feeling ill. But this morning God showed me that He is doing all the worrying for me, so I don't have to. Tonight I am going to rest well and sleep through all the loud trucks going past my window.

Grace and Peace



*** Image Courtesy of: Canyontruck.com