Seven Days

  I know it has been a while, but there is a reason. I recently decided to fast TV and internet for a week. I went Sunday to Sunday. Please know that I usually don't talk about when I fast, but I feel that what I learned from this is important enough to share.
  I have always been a TV lover, but recently it has been a little ridiculous. I would have it on all day, not necessarily sitting and watching but listening as I would walk by. I guess I was afraid I would miss something. Whenever there wasn't anything on TV I would be on the internet. "Doing what", you ask? Nothing! Check my email, go on Facebook, look at Etsy... Nothing important.
  So, I felt like I needed to give them up for a little while and experience life without them. My first few days without TV and Internet were good, I didn't really miss it and I felt really productive. The last few days I really wanted to just sit and watch something while Ava was asleep, just rest. The internet is really hard to exist without. I didn't realize how often I used it for informative reasons, but I adapted and was ok without it. Through out the week I felt more productive, had better family time, cooked more, had better time with the Lord, and I was overall just more joyful.
  So my seven days were up and I sat down to watch some TV. Then, I began to panic. Literally. I felt terrible! I thought I was going to have a panic attack or something. My heart was racing, I felt nauseas and I felt icky in my spirit. Weird! I turned it off after a few minutes and told Daniel. I think over time I built up small layers around my spirit while watching TV. I ultimately became de-sensitized to what they were showing me. After fasting it for 7 days all of those layers came down and I was completely overwhelmed by it! Wow. I definitely didn't see that coming!
  So I instead decided to check my email and catch up on FB. After a few minutes of doing that I began to feel icky inside again. I was realizing that I was basing my relationships with people of "Liking" their photo, or one sentence comments to their wall. Not very personal at all. I realized that I justified that as "Quality time" with the most important people in my life.
  Overall, I am realizing that TV just lets bad things into my spirit, that effect me more than I know. As for Internet, it is a great resource for life but not the way I should be investing into my relationships.

No Rush

  I always have such a hard time with the first sentence, dumb. I never know how to start it off. So to the point, I have been feeling very rushed lately. It seems as if no matter where I go, the people working there are rushing me along. Can I please just tell you how much i truly hate being rushed. I was buying a sandwich last week and the lady making it for me seemed irritated by my existence. I tried to smile more, thank her repeatedly, and be kind. When we got to the end of my options (all that was left was oil and vinegar, salt and pepper) she asked if i wanted anything else and before she even gave me a chance to answer she closed my sandwich and wrapped it up. I just stared at her. I felt awful, like i had wronged her in some way. But she was the one being a meanie. I went back to the same sandwich place 2 days ago with my brother, assuming my previous experience was a fluke (And secretively praying the mean lady wouldn't be there because she scares me). When we walked in guess who was there... Ms. Meanie pants! Dang it! She was in an even bigger rush then the time before! I left feeling very dissatisfied.
  So this morning Daniel and I went to Starbucks before Church. There weren't very many people in there. One person in front of us and one behind. Very quiet. When the Barista asked for my order i told her I needed a water and a latte and.... Then she gave me my total. I said "I'm sorry, I also need a few more things, A sandwich...." Then she gave me my total again! "I'm sorry I also need a tall coffee, that's it." She gave me my total and stuck her hand out for my money. The whole exchange left me feeling so faklempt. I left feeling more tired and frustrated then when I had walked in.
   After church Daniel was helping me do some things to get ready for our trip tomorrow and I realized that I am a rusher too!!! I rush Daniel all the time! I feel awful. I guess I just needed to get a taste of my own medicine. Bummer. There is no point to this Blog other than to slow down. Don't rush anyone and don't let anyone rush you. Just enjoy things.

Mini version of Rain

 
  Over the past few days my life has seemed to become quite overwhelming. There have been a few things that have happened and all I can find myself doing is crying. (Now, I'm not saying that for sympathy there is a point i swear.) Today especially, it seemed as if my tears were a constant river flowing from my eyes. I don't like crying. As a matter of fact, i hate it. I think mostly because when I start to cry I can't control it. I am not one of those people who can fight back tears. When i feel them coming, they come. I have huge tears that seem to just shoot out. I'm sure you've seen someone like that, where they can't dry there face off because too many tears are coming too fast. Well, that's me.
  A little back ground.... I woke up this morning more tired then usual. Just felt like i had to peel myself out of bed. And when Ava and I walked out into the living room it was still really dark. Usually, the sun is pouring through our windows. Instead it was cloudy and I could hear thunder. I was so happy, I love rain. I'm not sure why, I just always have. As it began to rain Ava and I went outside to enjoy it. Then I got a phone call which lead to tears.... Later on today, During a break from my cry fest God spoke something to me. Rain is His way of clearing away the dirt. After it rains, the streets are clean, the mud is off the car, and the air is crisp and fresh. He can restore us and take away the things that need to be washed in our hearts. Here's the double whammy... Then I realized that tears are like the same thing. It's like God created a mini version of rain on our face to help us clean house whenever we need too.
   So maybe, in the middle of my chaos, God is giving me tears to wash away my sorrow and restore my heart. I am so thankful He showed me that. I pray that the Lord would bring Rain to your spirit, so you can be restored.






*** Photo Courtesy of: Blog.Coloradocollege.edu

Some Convo with You

   A little bit of slacking never hurt anyone, right? I've kinda been off the map for a little while, have no fear, I am back on the map! Haha. I have been seeking God out lately, I feel like I haven't heard from Him in a long time. My attitude about it wasn't very good either. I was starting to get frustrated about it. "What the heck God? I'm doing a pretty good job here, I'd really like some convo with you!" So there is this song. Incredible song. I have been walking around singing it for the past 2 weeks, just love the way it sounds. Not really paying too much attention to the words I was singing. Then yesterday I found the lyrics sheet for it and as I read through it I had a major light bulb moment. Here it is:


" Look at me inside, are you pleased with what you see
 Does my faith make you believe that I love you, I trust you
 When it's been so hard do I still love you the same way
When I had everything, Everything was you


 Do you believe me?
 Go past my lips and read my heart
 And if you don't find what's right please don't cast me to the night
 What do you want from me?
 I only ask cause whatever it is I'm ready to do
 Cause I'm never giving up you


 Without faith I can't be yours I know
 Without faith I don't have a chance at happiness"
(Written by Frontline worship team http://frontlineworship.com/)


  The first line of the song smacked me across the face. "Look at me inside are you pleased?" Frick! Probably not! My heart was so bad. Thank you Lord for showing me that. And thank you for not giving up on me. 

Notice Me

 
  Last Wednesday night @ The Response we had our friends Andrew and Kelly share about their journey that God is taking them on. So rad. One of the things that Andrew said struck me. He talked about his first year at Masters Commission ( A intense 9 month discipleship program) and how one of the leaders said that every day she tried as hard as she can to make a difference and peruse God, because when she gets to heaven she wants God to notice her. Crazy right? I've never thought about going to heaven like that before. But I get it, when I arrive I want God to see me and be so excited that I am there. Seek me out in the crowd. Now don't get me wrong, I know I'll get a high five and a nice to see you, but what I'm looking for is intentional seeking out and joy to see me. Heavy.
  I came home that night with that thought ringing in my head, and trying to figure out how I can achieve that. Then I thought of a sermon that Pastor Jack Hayford gave a long time ago that I just heard for the first time a little while back. He talked about a friend of his that kept a journal every day of what he had done. So at night right before bed, he would spend a few minutes writing down everything he had done that day. Keeping stock of his life. He did it or different reasons then I am suggesting, but I still think It's a great idea. If every night I write down what I had accomplished that day It would force me to take stock of my life. I would realize how much time I had wasted on something insignificant or maybe find time to do something that could make a difference.
  I don't know, maybe I'm crazy. But I want God to notice me in the crowd. So I am going to do it, keep a journal every day of what I've done. Keep myself accountable, so I can do something greater with my life. Something I know God would be proud of.

Grace and Peace





***Image Courtesy of: www.wlwest.co.uk

Anxiously Awaiting

   We are down in San Diego this weekend for my dear friend Lacey's wedding. I am so excited for her and her fiance Zac... They are quite the power couple! The weeks leading up to this trip I started counting down days because I was so excited to be here. After moving away 4 months ago I haven't been able to be a part of a lot of the things my friends and family who live here do. Especially this wedding. The thing you must understand about said wedding is this... It is going to be the Party of the Century. Every detail is perfect, they have crazy unique ideas for stuff, and they are just rad people which means there will be rad fun! So back to my point... I have been counting down days to get here so I could attend the biggest day of one of the closest friends life! (Side note- I just yelled that last sentence out in my head. Just as if I were a 5 year old explaining something) 
   So today is the day. We have reached the end of the glorious wedding belled countdown. And how might I be feeling you ask? Anxious!!!! I am so excited to go to the wedding, that I am convinced time has slowed down. This day will just not move along. So here's the deal, Philippians 4:6 says " Do not be anxious in anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, present your requests to God." True. Very good point. But I feel like there is a good anxiousness. Excitedly awaiting the arrival of something. Like the expression, "Anxiously awaiting the arrival of..."
   What's my point? Well here it is. Maybe there is value in having good Anxiousness. Anxiously await on God to do something crazy in your life. Or just anxiously await on Him. Be excited about what is happening in your life. I know I am. And as for the wedding this evening, I still can't wait!




Grace and Peace

What Is my Identity?

 
  This past week and a half has proven to be more difficult then I thought it would be. As you know I hurt my foot, and even though it seems I should have recovered by now I have not. I have been struggling so much with just letting my foot heal in it's own time. Being a stay at home Mom means that there are certain things that are my responsibilities to get done every day. Spending quality time with Ava, cleaning, cooking, basically making sure our home continues to run smoothly. But unfortunately I haven't been able to do those things, well, I've been trying but they aren't being done well. The past few days have been the worst. I have been feeling grumpy and down on myself and I didn't know how to explain it to Daniel. Then last night It hit me, I figured out a way to express myself.

    I explained it to him like this, " Daniel, It would be like you spraining your wrist and not being able to type, talk on the phone, or play music. (Three things that his jobs entail) And you just had to stay home and sit, even though the other 98% of you feels great. You would miss out on work, not get paid, and get behind on the things you need to do." He got it. I think I got it. lol. I realized as I was telling him how I felt that I have completely wrapped my Identity in being a Mom and Homemaker. Sure, there are other things I'm good t and like doing, but my main focus is being a mom and homemaker.

   I've been angry with God because I feel like He hasn't healed me fast enough. However, I'm starting to see that the bigger picture is finding my true identity in something eternal. Him. So God, keep me in pain until I get it. I want to make sure that this isn't a superficial change, but a long lasting one. My identity is in you.

Grace and Peace

*** Photo Courtesy of: askville.amazon.com