This past week and a half has proven to be more difficult then I thought it would be. As you know I hurt my foot, and even though it seems I should have recovered by now I have not. I have been struggling so much with just letting my foot heal in it's own time. Being a stay at home Mom means that there are certain things that are my responsibilities to get done every day. Spending quality time with Ava, cleaning, cooking, basically making sure our home continues to run smoothly. But unfortunately I haven't been able to do those things, well, I've been trying but they aren't being done well. The past few days have been the worst. I have been feeling grumpy and down on myself and I didn't know how to explain it to Daniel. Then last night It hit me, I figured out a way to express myself.
I explained it to him like this, " Daniel, It would be like you spraining your wrist and not being able to type, talk on the phone, or play music. (Three things that his jobs entail) And you just had to stay home and sit, even though the other 98% of you feels great. You would miss out on work, not get paid, and get behind on the things you need to do." He got it. I think I got it. lol. I realized as I was telling him how I felt that I have completely wrapped my Identity in being a Mom and Homemaker. Sure, there are other things I'm good t and like doing, but my main focus is being a mom and homemaker.
I've been angry with God because I feel like He hasn't healed me fast enough. However, I'm starting to see that the bigger picture is finding my true identity in something eternal. Him. So God, keep me in pain until I get it. I want to make sure that this isn't a superficial change, but a long lasting one. My identity is in you.
Grace and Peace
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